Blue Skies: A Requiem for Storms
by Raieth Star
Summary: Eight years after Ultimecia's defeat, the world finds itself in trouble once more. However, with a growing disinterest in the affairs of the world, and his sanity slipping through his fingers, Squall is unsure he can be a hero once more.
1. Day 1

Okay this story is a long time in the making, and I'm not very far into it but I think It's starting to shape up into something I'm willing to show people. It takes place 8 years after the events of FF8. it makes several assumptions on the workings of GFs and Sorceresses, I shouldn't have to explain anything out of the story but if something comes up that Ive glossed over or just flat out made a mistake on please point it out. I do know some key beats to the tale, and where I want it to end but getting there is proving to be difficult. The ending to this whole thing will be bittersweet at best. If you have to read happy fluffy tales please steer clear of this one.

WARNING: This story will feature copious amounts of blood, violence and will eventually have sex, both consensual and non. That's not for a while yet and for now it's just blood and an unstable mind. I will upgrade the warnings for more intense chapters. (Unedited Chapters will be on my AdultFanFiction account under Raieth)

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><p><strong>Day 1<strong>

Nothing, there was nothing to see. Dry, cracked, red dirt stretched forever into the distance. The sky was both grey and green and swirling in a nauseating manner. The horizon in the distance was perfectly flat, not curved as it should be. Stumbling, a young man walked forwards, always forwards. The red dirt clung to his military boots, the dust staining his clothes. He wore mostly black, with only a pair of oxblood red belts crossed about his hips adding any colour. His low cut shirt, once white, was now stained with dirt, sweat and blood; it would likely never be a pure white again. His torn leather jacket possessed a fur collar of almost white, it was matted and covered in mud, blood and tears. Sweat ran down the man's face as he stumbled across the flat landscape. He licked his dry, cracked lips and wiped the sweat from his brow, his short brown almost black hair clinging to his face and his pale blue eyes reflecting the endless wastes. Still he walked forwards, his feet dragged and he swayed, but still he walked. Without warning the land suddenly ended and the swirling grey-green sky extended far below into infinity. The last of his energy seemed to drain from him as he sank to his knees. He stared into the abyss, too tired and too weak to even care that he was dying. He tried to laugh, but he couldn't find his voice, he couldn't go forward anymore. He closed his eyes and fell into the grey void, fading into nothing.

Squall sat up in his bed, covered in a cold sweat, his breath rapid. He ran a hand through his damp hair, hand shaking slightly. It had grown less frequent, but he could always count on that nightmare around The Anniversary. "Eight years..." He took a calming breath and suddenly cried out as a sharp pain lanced across his back. He reached for a medicine bottle on his beside table, all three of them were empty. Gritting his teeth he climbed out of his large bed and stalked into his bathroom. Opening the medicine cabinet he grabbed another bottle and popped two of the tiny pills in his mouth. He leaned on the sink breathing deeply until the pills dissolved under his tongue and the shooting pain faded into a dull throbbing. The pain in his back had been getting worse, he would have seen the infirmary about it but it was just stress. His two days off, starting today, should fix the problem. Sighing, Squall made use of his attached bathroom, and after fixing his hair, he headed back into his room to change.

Knowing it was going to be another hot day, Squall pulled on a sleeveless black shirt, with a square neckline with a cutout in the shape of a 'v' and trimmed in grey. He traded his sleeping pants for his leather ones, and began attaching his many belts, he seemed to acquire more every year. Every belt contained a pocket space, he found having several small ones, rather than one large one, helped when it came to deception as well as organization.

Finally, he donned something he almost never went without. In the final days of fighting Ultimecia, his favourite leather jacket had been ruined in the fighting; as a gift for his eighteenth birthday, Xu, his Deputy Headmaster, had salvaged it and turned it into something he could drape about his waist. The white fur rested on his hips attached with a thick belt with Grievers' lion head as the buckle. What was left of the black leather of his jacket she had sewn into a panel that rested on his right thigh, it just reached past his knee when he stood. He found that wrapping the twin belts that contained his gunblade over top of the panel helped keep it from getting in his way. She had even gone the extra step of dying the supporting belt the same oxblood red as his twin belts.

Securing everything properly he smoothed the white fur. Every time he put it on he was reminded of the events that took place eight years ago. Something he never wanted to forget, as he had learned many lessons. Squall never was sure if he had managed to convey how thankful he was to Xu. Once again he hoped that merely wearing it would convey what he could not in words. Thumbing his Griever pendent absently he exited his rather spacious room and headed for his small on-suite kitchen.

The headmaster's suite was set up much like a small apartment, Squall had always assumed it was built so that Cid did not have to feel like he was living in a military barracks. Personally, he found it far larger than he could fill with possessions, so had left it mostly the way Cid had. Those few who had seen the rooms back when Cid occupied them would notice differences however; the first was his original gunblade. The steel was pitted and worn and the leather grip cracked with use. It still held an edge but the mechanism was damaged beyond repair. He had mounted it on the wall in such a way that anyone entering the suite could see it. The second major item was the helmet of the space suit he had worn so briefly. The rest of the suit had been returned as the fighting he had been forced to perform in it to secure the Ragnarok had ruined it. The helmet made for an impressive trophy however. In fact, he had many small trophies of his travels throughout the apartment. Most were unnoticeable to the casual eye but he treasured each the same. As a constant user of Guardian Forces he found that he did not easily remember events, to trigger them he needed a prompt of some sort. He was confident that no memory was ever truly lost to the GF's and in a small way this was useful, as he found having a floodgate on his memories kept him from getting lost in them. Much like he was doing now.

Turning away from his mementos Squall entered his kitchen. The Anniversary always made him feel sentimental. There was a part of him that wanted to just call the whole thing off and just run away. He shook his head slightly and reached for the mug on his coffee maker. He peered inside, just as he thought, he did go to bed without drinking his last cup. He cast a low level Fire spell and slowly made his way to his office, scowling at the old coffee taste.

Part of the extensive repairs Balamb Garden needed after the War of the Gardens, as it has swiftly become known, had involved the headmaster office. The pilot controls for the garden rose right in the middle of the spacious room. So he knocked out the old lobby wall and instead installed a few smoked glass walls, effectively cutting the large room into three. A waiting room that encompassed both elevators, and led to both an office for Xu and Squall. Of course there were no ceilings between the false walls and the driving platform allowing an uninterrupted view to the pilot of the mobile school.

He entered his office from a door hidden behind one of the decorative tapestries around the office. It always amused him to hear the rumour mill trying to explain where he slept. His personal favourite was that he did not sleep and instead spent the night patrolling the halls watching for any student that dared break curfew. Thumbing briefly through the mornings' pile of mail and paperwork on his desk, he saw that, like usual, the vast majority of it was fan-mail; being the man in charge of the most effective army on the planet granted him a lot of power, the fact he was single made him a target for arranged marriages; that he had helped save the world, and was single made him a target for wishful thinking. Xu had helpfully stamped everything that was not business related with a red 'Fan Mail' stamp. Where she had gotten the stamp he had no idea, he pushed the pile of red stamped mail into a large and rather full box on the floor next to his desk and promptly forgot about it. Squall frowned as he looked at the small pile of real paperwork, apparently it was Instructor Aki that needed no sleep, he had reported six students breaking curfew last night. That man had been a useful thorn in his side when he was getting the hang of the paperwork, but now it was almost annoying how meticulous he was with discipline. He sighed, he'd deal with it later. Right now, he had more pressing matters, like breakfast.

Tossing the stack of papers onto his desk he looked up as he circled the central elevator. "Good morning Nida."

Nida waved a hand, his focus on the horizon around them. "Good morning Squall. We should be at the ranch in around an hour." He spared a grin for the brunette headmaster. "I'll slow down so you can jump out a window."

Squall smirked, "Don't worry about it, I'll just fly out with Bahamut." He stretched his arms wide. He could feel Bahamut's displeasure at that idea, Squall ignored it.

Nida laughed, "Please don't, that thing is big enough to use the school as a lounge chair." Nida had grown used to his headmaster's strange humour long ago.

Squall chuckled quietly to himself as he stuck his head in Xu's office. "Morning Xu."

Xu glanced at her clock. "You're up early."

Squall shrugged, "You hungry?"

She looked at her paperwork stacked high on her desk and debated quietly with herself. "Yes, I would like to eat breakfast with you." She pushed her chair away from her desk with a grin.

Squall opened the door fully and made a sweeping hand gesture towards the elevator, inviting her to go first. She always did seem to know exactly what he meant to say, even if he could never seem to get the words out right. He watched her walk around her desk and pass him, before falling into step behind her.

"The one day off you get in six months and you don't even sleep in." She tilted her head at him as they waited for the elevator.

He shrugged again, "You know I don't use an alarm clock." It was true, he hadn't used an alarm clock for as long as he could actively remember. Which wasn't more than a handful of years due to the GFs, but the point still stood.

They entered the elevator and headed down to the cafeteria. Thankfully the kitchen had long ago learned his habits, and would have breakfast ready for him when he got there. Becoming headmaster certainly had it's perks; he was suddenly reminded of when he was still a cadet, waiting in line for leftovers.

"Looking forward to seeing the ranch again?" Xu asked with almost forced casualness.

The question caught Squall off-guard, "Yes." He replied with more emotion than he usually allowed into his speech. He desperately missed his chocobos. The ranch was his retirement plan. Saving the world made everything else pale in comparison and he just wanted to quietly hide away and live out his days in peace. Of course he still had too many loose ends to tie up, and one more always seemed to pop up just as he began to look forward to his well deserved rest.

Xu seemed, somewhat sad at his answer. "Well at least you can bring Boko with you to assist in the operation." She smiled with forced happiness. The elevator 'dinged' as it reached the ground floor.

Squall was confused, this wasn't the first time she had seemed sad when he mentioned retiring. He exited the elevator, "I'm not retiring yet. You know I can't just leave this mess in your lap."

She followed behind him, looking around the central ring and pointedly not at him. "I know. It's just..." She hesitated.

Squall frowned slightly, she always got like this when he mentioned making her headmaster too. Squall had been thinking about this particular problem recently and decided he would try a different tactic this morning, "You don't have to be headmaster when I leave." He watched her carefully for her response.

She stopped dead in her tracks, "I don't? But..."

He turned to face her properly, gesturing with his near empty mug. "No, we'll find someone else. We have a few more years until this Esthar mess is cleaned up at least." He tilted his head, "Now can we go eat?" His urgency to fill his stomach was not born of any personal preference, rather...

Xu shook her head to clear it, "Eden, yes." She started walking again.

Squall continued on to the cafeteria, that had worked better than he thought it would. But now he would have to start grooming his replacement. There were a few teachers that would likely do well as headmaster. He put the matter out of his mind for now and focused on Xu. She was looking happier than he had seen her in days.

She caught him looking. "What is it?"

Although his stoic nature had served him well when it came to political machinations, it was sometimes reassuring to have someone he could be honest and frank with. He had learned, over time, to open up a little to Xu. It made him feel selfish, and guilty after what he had done, but she always seemed to have time to listen to him.

"Nothing." He gave her a half smile, "You just look happy is all. It's a good look."

Xu's cheeks reddened, "Oh, is that all?" She walked a little faster so he couldn't see her face.

"I didn't realize that becoming headmaster had you so upset." Squall easily matched her pace. "You should have told me sooner."

They rounded the bend and entered the cafeteria, making their way to the teachers lounge. As was usual this early in the morning the large open space was mostly empty, with only a few scattered students about.

Xu waited until they had entered the teachers lounge before responding. "I didn't want to worry you." She sat at the large table already piled high with food.

Squall frowned at her, "Why would that worry me?" he sat at the table and began his morning ritual. Ever since he had junctioned Eden eight years ago, he found that he was forced to eat almost constantly. It had certainly started rumours, and required many precautions but not eating had disastrous consequences, he would black out and eat the next thing he came across. This problem had really only come up a few times when he was journeying to fight Ultimecia, their isolation both causing and helping to hide the horrible drive, resulting in him waking up suddenly full and surrounded by something that might later be identified as a particular animal, if enough of it was left. He was fairly certain that Irvine and Quistis had picked up on it as they were both attentive to detail. He had burdened himself with the GF as he needed her power, he may not have been able to defeat the sorceress without it.

The real problem, however, was afterwards. He could not de-junction it. In fact, he could not remove any of the GFs he had used, nor the junction machine itself. It had somehow bonded with him and Dr. Odine believed that surgically removing it could cost him his life. None of the others had this problem, as they regularly removed their machines when they were travelling. He had always been paranoid to be caught without his spells, and was paying the price for it now. According to Dr. Odine it was the first time anyone had worn the junction machine continuously for so long, and that he should be thankful the energies that it controlled hadn't killed him. The whole problem had prompted him to create new rules for the tiny devices, limiting their use.

He was suddenly broken out of his thoughts by motion near his food. His instincts were guided by an aggressive GF, and Squall's hand darted out to guard his meal.

Xu pulled her hands towards her body before he could grab her. She tilted her head at him, "Sometimes I forget why I talk to you this early in the morning. You didn't hear any of that did you?"

Squall shook his head to clear it, she had just been gesturing as she talked. He withdrew his hand across the table. "You should know better." He admonished quietly. She really should, his control over his instincts was tenuous at best and he had nearly killed her in an instinct fuelled incident years ago. He had always wondered why she continued to trust him, after all he would never trust a Sorceress again, why was this any different?

Xu leaned back in her chair. Despite her calm demeanour, her hands trembled as she reached for a glass of water, "I suppose that right after you eat you are going to head out?"

Squall mentally cursed himself again, he would never forgive himself for that lapse in control. Squall fished in his mind for a way to change the mood, it was supposed to be his day off. Unfortunately all he could come up with was, "Why do you not like chocobos?"

Xu promptly choked on her water. Quickly recovering she looked at him in shock. "Where did that come from?"

When he looked sideways and didn't answer, she sighed. "I don't know what gave you that impression, I actually find them kinda cute."

Squall raised an eyebrow, "Really? Then why do you get all upset whenever I mention them?" He leaned an elbow on the table and ate the last of his enormous breakfast casually, the bulk of the hunger drive satiated, for now.

She seemed to ponder that. "Do I? I guess it's because you usually mention retiring in the next breath." She appeared to want to say something else but refrained from doing so.

Squall nodded, he supposed one thought usually led to the other. "I can't remember, have I ever taken you?"

She shook her head. "What is it like?"

He stared off into the distance, his eyes focused far away. "It's a large section of land in the northern Great Plains bordering the Grandidi Forest. There is a hill on the edge of the property that has a great view of the surrounding area. You can see the ocean in the East and West, and at sunset the light reflects off Esthar City on the horizon. The Great Plain stretches to the South like an ocean of grass. It's really peaceful, the chocobo's themselves keep the bulk of the monsters out, and generally the days just pass in peace..." He trailed off. It had been so long since his last visit.

"It sounds lovely. Do you have a house built?" She was curious, he never talked about the ranch, yet he seemed almost homesick now. Xu had not even known he considered anywhere but Garden home.

Squall nodded. "It's not large, only 4 bedrooms, but it has two floors and is next to the barn. I built it with..." He trailed off, he had built it with kids in mind. He thought he would settle down and raise a family, but that future seemed farther away now then it had. It didn't help that the main reason for that decision was Rinoa. His face darkened when he thought of the Sorceress.

Xu didn't miss the expression. "What is it?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. I built it when I thought I might, uh, settle down eventually." he said the last quietly, almost ashamed, like he could never be worthy of that future. "But I guess that, like retirement, that's going to have to wait."

"Oh Squall," she whispered with a sigh. "Does she still haunt you even now?" Her hand subtlety reached towards him, she aborted the gesture however.

Squall didn't see, as he was focused on some dark place within himself. He had been Rinoa's knight. A romantic term for what was essentially a mind controlled puppet. The worst part was that he had initially liked her. Her outspoken and brash nature had intrigued him, and he had found himself falling in love. That small, fragile feeling was twisted against him when she acquired Ultimecia's power. He had managed to maintain a small degree of control over his actions, but not much. It grew worse when she absorbed Adel. He found that every GF he acquired allowed him just a little more freedom, the unspoken reason for why he never removed them. After Ultimecia was defeated and everyone was separated by time's flow he found himself suddenly released from her control and loathe to go back to it. In the end however, even getting himself lost between time wasn't enough. It took one of Dr. Odine's Sorceress sealing bracelets to do that. He wanted to cryogenically freeze her like Adel, but everyone thought he was crazy. Once again Xu broke him out of his thoughts, this time with a touch.

Her hand covered his clenched fist, "Squall?" She sounded concerned.

He took a deep breath and unclenched his fists, holding her hand in his own for a moment, suddenly glad for the rare skin to skin contact. "I'm not crazy." He finally stated, voicing his last thought aloud.

She smiled at him, closing her hand firmly around his. "Aren't we all just a little crazy? Isn't that what makes us SeeDs?"

He smiled back, Squall had grown to like her smile. "I know now is not a good time but, would you like to come with me the next time I visit my ranch? It's not fancy but..."

She nodded, "I would."

The school's PA system chimed, "Headmaster Squall, we have arrived at our destination. Please report to the loading bay." Nida repeated the message.

Squall squeezed her hand and let it go. "Looks like this is my stop." He rose from the table. "Please don't let me forget."

She nodded and winked at him, "I won't." She knew it was a valid concern for the troubled headmaster.

With one final nod Squall made his way to the loading bay. His many magic pockets held everything he could want on his trip. He knew he could just get the Garden to wait while he picked up Boko but the two day ride would give him time to unwind. It was much easier to control his resident GF population when he was relaxed and he would be in the heat of battle shortly after returning and would need all the control he could get.

Saying his goodbyes to the students he passed, some of whom he had watched grow up, Squall exited the Garden. It had dropped him off on the hill overlooking the property that he had mentioned to Xu. He watched as the large school flew into the distance towards Esthar City. Breathing in the fresh air he started down the hill towards the small two story house and barn nestled at the bottom of the hill in the shade of the deep forest.

Once he was closer he could see that it was much as he left it. The window shutters were still secured and the roof looked intact. The long periods of neglect were starting to make themselves evident, but home had never looked so good. It was just too bad he couldn't stay. He reached into one of his leg pockets and retrieved a thin metal whistle on a leather cord as well as his fingerless leather gloves. Placing the whistle between his teeth he pulled the black gloves on. The single yellow chocobo feather tied to the cord swayed in the slight breeze.

The whistle was shrill, the sound carrying between the trees. He could hear the forest chocobo's respond to the whistle and could see flashes of yellow as they darted between the trees. Finally a large male ran into view, his pale yellow feathers distinctive to Squall's eyes. He put the whistle away and ran to meet the large bird. They head-butted in customary greeting before Squall smoothed his neck feathers and looked the bird over. "How are you doing, Boko?" The bird rested his head on Squall's shoulder, "I missed you too." He scratched the feathers at the base of Boko's beak before stepping back. "We have to get going. Come on, let's get your things." He walked back in the direction of the house, his loyal companion following closely behind.

Boko's saddle and tack were just inside the door. He gave them a once over before getting the bird ready for travel. Bolting his home shut once more, Squall mounted the bird and headed after the Garden. With a full two days of travel ahead of him, he let Boko set the pace. It wasn't the first time they had made this journey, so they knew the route. Boko, at least seemed to enjoy stretching his legs on the open plain. Squall knew that in another couple of years the chocobo would start to show his age and long distance trips like this would not be possible anymore. He quickly put the thought out of his mind and focused on his surroundings.

The landscape was breathtaking, as it always was. He hoped that he would never grow tired of the view. With no one to talk to but Boko, Squall quickly found himself lost in his thoughts. His internal monologuing broken only by distant sightings of animals and pauses for food and water. He found himself looking forward to seeing his friends again, it had been years since they were all in one place at the same time, having been scattered to the four corners of the world as duty dictated. They were all going to assist in the last major push to get the monsters out of Esthar. Squall found himself thinking about how far all of them had come in the last eight years.

Selphie and Irvine had married in the ruins of Trabia Garden shortly after Ultimecia's defeat. It was a quiet ceremony with only close friends and family. They had vowed to rebuild the facility, and create a memorial in honour of those who lost their lives. They had done so in a remarkably short period of time, with the school mostly functional within two years. It was on a piece of land north of the original location, the ruins themselves converted into a large memorial. Officially, Selphie was headmaster, but Irvine handled the day to day functioning of the school in reality. As the closest permanent Garden to Esthar the bulk of the Esthar monster hunting fell to their students and SeeDs. Personally, Squall had always wondered why they had never started a family. He had always figured they would be the first to have kids.

That honour, such as it was, went to Zell of all people. He had matured during their trials and finally asked his dream girl, Prinna, to marry him. They were married three years ago, it had been a large affair as they both grew up in Balamb City. The announcement of their first child shortly after the wedding was little surprise, and with a second on the way Squall wondered how they found the time. After all, Zell was one of the lead SeeDs in charge of Esthar clean up operations. He had proven very reliable, was a natural leader and seemed to inspire confidence in the citizens. Prinna had recently started her maternity leave and going back to her was all Zell ever talked about. Not that he could blame the man, he thought as he patted Boko's neck, having a place to go home to was a wonderful thing he had learned.

Quistis had been stationed in Glabadia to supervise the rebuilding of it's government and had maintained order within and without the Garden. She was a key figure in the process and had nearly single handedly prevented civil war from breaking out. Once the political situation had stabilized she had shifted her focus to the smaller more isolated towns affected by the conflict. Her motherly nature lent itself well to humanitarian efforts, and most of the contact she had with Balamb was requests for more help when the situation was too great for her and Glabadia Garden to handle on their own. He always spared her the man power when she asked, usually more than what she asked for, as she was stubborn in her own way and if she asked for help then she really needed it. Squall had heard rumours that she was dating someone but he would believe that when she told him herself.

Squall shifted in his saddle and winced as the his back began to hurt sharply again. He reflexively retrieved his pain medication and let the pills dissolve under his tongue, his train of thought hardly broken at all. The only one of his friends he saw with any regularity was Seifer. Too old to become a SeeD, he had run from the world after he was released from Ultimecia's control. He seemed to drop off the face of the planet until appearing suddenly at Squall's office several years later with a business proposal. It turns out he had been hiding in Esthar right under Squall's nose the whole time. He had saved an airship factory worker and as a form of payment was given a security job at the factory. The district the factory was located in was one of the lightest hit and therefore far down on the SeeD priority list. The monsters were still there, they were everywhere, and Seifer realized he was fighting an endless battle and instead organized the welders to build defences around the district. According the ex-cadet, that's when he learned his love of welding. To hear him talk he was a born natural. In any case, his fire affinity, quick wit and loyalty secured him a prominent place within the district and when problems emerged he resolved to fix them. He had come to Squall with a most interesting business proposal. The airship manufacturing district had stagnated; with no long term projects on the horizon and out of the critically affected zones, the families there realized that they were slowly starving to death. Seifer had come to Squall in the hopes of establishing a long term partnership.

It was a unique opportunity for Squall; with the radio interference gone, safe air-traffic control could resume and fast intercontinental travel would be possible once again. His own fleet of airships would grant his armies mobility like the world had not seen in over two decades. However, he had also been cautious, investing too much at the wrong time could backfire spectacularly. So they had struck a bargain, a few ships at first to see if they could produce quality results in a reasonable time frame, then they would revisit the contract. The results had been better than he ever hoped. The first airships were done ahead of schedule and were small, fast and designed for inter-atmosphere flight. With that first shipment, a lasting contract was struck, and he now commanded nearly fifty airships of various types distributed amongst the Gardens. This injection of commerce was not just for his own purposes, useful as the small aircraft were. The deal had created thousands of jobs, from mining and textiles all the way to air traffic controllers and instructor pilots. With most of the city struggling to survive, the injection of cash was most appreciated by the city's leadership.

Squall frowned as his train of thought led to Laguna. It was still hard to think of the laid back man as his father, after all he had met him when he was almost eighteen and already Commander of the SeeD. Laguna did try though, he always invited Squall to Esthar's social events, and had yet to forget his birthday. But there was only so much he could do to patch a gap seventeen years in the making. Squall's expression softened, he had to admit he had not really give Laguna much of a chance, and it seemed that not running after him and Ellone and forsaking everything he had worked for was a decision that ate at the presidents heart.

He smiled as he remembered the look on Laguna's face when he announced that he was changing his name to Loire when he turned twenty. At that moment, Squall's doubts about the decision vanished. It had also been the first, and last, time Squall had not struggled to get out of Laguna's embrace. The grown man had cried on his shoulder, and the whole event had been a turning point in their relationship. However, having grown up in a military school, after thinking he had been abandoned, had made him wary of physical and emotional contact of all kinds. His instinct to push people away was a hard habit to break, and he still shied away from forming close bonds with anyone. Still, he at least considered Laguna a friend, and that was a start. One of these days they would have to get away and do something as a father and son, he had heard fishing was a popular activity. But that would have to wait until his current mess of problems was dealt with.

He sighed, when would this be over? It would be years yet until the mess with Esthar was sorted out enough that he could trust another to take over. That thought brought a groan to his lips. Who would take over? Xu obviously did not want the position and he had no other candidate in line. It would have to be an already high ranking SeeD.

He grabbed his head with his hands, roughing up his hair in an attempt to get the thoughts out of his head. "Boko, what do you think I should do?" He asked in a vain attempt at a solution.

His yellow bird happily 'warked' at him in response to his name.

Squall smiled at the happy bird. "That's your answer for everything." He leaned back in the saddle and stared at the thin clouds streaking above him. "Why did Cid leave me in charge?" He sighed, he knew the answer to that question. It was because he was the one who told Edea about Garden and the SeeDs, and that she knew he defeated the Sorceress but not who was with him. But, then he inevitably started to wonder how it began, did she ever come up with it on her own once? Was he fated to always be stuck in a time loop in the past? Did it even matter? He pressed his palms against his eyes. This was supposed to be time for him to relax and gain control of himself.

He had been more relaxed holding Xu's hand in the cafeteria. He paused, that was a strange thought, "Where did that come from?" He had forgotten how comforting feeling another's touch was. It had been a reminder that he was not as alone as he sometimes felt. He briefly wondered if he should hold her hand more often, and laughed at himself. He could just imagine the rumours now, they were already bad enough. He was not sure if he could even consider Xu a close friend. Sure they spent almost every day with each other but they did not make a habit of hanging out during what few off hours they got. He actually knew very little about her, certainly less than any of his other friends.

He tried to think of something simple he knew about her. Such as her favourite colour. Squall found his mind wandering as he tried to see though the haze of his memories, had they ever discussed it? He scanned the horizon, the sun was beginning to set. The orange tones of sunset bloomed on the horizon, the greens and reds would soon follow. Something about the colour red sparked his memory.

She had several pieces of jewelry with rubies set in them. There was another memory; he had seen her in a red dress on her way out with her friends once, it had been form fitting and suited her well. Even if he wasn't sure it was her favourite colour she did look good in red. A far darker memory rose to the surface, she looked good in blood too. "No!" He grabbed his head with his hands, his outcry startling Boko. She had been warm in his hands, her startled cries pleasantly loud in his ears, and her blood had smelled so sweet. His fingers dug into his skull painfully as he tried to banish the memory, "No, I didn't like it," he tried to convince himself. He could smell her blood even now, he swiftly lifted his head, he could smell blood.

Scanning the horizon the tortured headmaster rose to stand in the stirrups. Where was the smell coming from? Under him Boko lifted his nose to sniff the air. Good, it wasn't just his imagination. Sitting back down he urged the chocobo towards the narrow river canyon ahead, he knew it was the only blind spot for miles around. He strained to hear over the insects calling in the now rapidly darkening plains. As the pair grew closer to the edge he could hear, something. The scrape of claws on rock, heavy breathing, the clatter of a rock, then even fainter, running, splashing footsteps. Urging Boko into a run they pulled up alongside the canyon, he could see a figure running in the trickle of water at the base. Grey in colour, it looked human. The details were hard to make out from here, the bottom of the canyon was deep in shadow. He scanned the canyon walls, there was a pack of what looked like a variety of Hexadragon on the hunt, quickly counting he could see five jumping shapes between the narrow reddish rock walls.

Readying his gunblade he jumped off Boko towards the nearest one. Adjusting his weight with Gravity he landed on the large monster before it knew what had hit it. He activated his weapon's vibration, the bang of gunpowder echoing in the narrow canyon, and the blue tinted metal bisected the creature's waist, it's dying scream choked off.

Before he could fall with the corpse he reversed his Gravity with Float and leapt for the next. At the apex of his jump he once again brought himself down with Gravity. The noise of the first attack had alerted the whole pack and he caught his target in the face as it turned to him. He felt the skull crunch under the weight of his blade and he grinned savagely as the hot blood from the impact sprayed his face.

Floating himself once more he twisted to face the creature that he was only dimly aware had leapt for his back, and with the distinctive bang the creature's head was severed from it's torso. His killing instinct sung in his ears, his heartbeat a steady counterpoint and he resisted the urge to lick at the fountain of blood before him.

He pushed off it's falling corpse and met the next head on, before his gunblade had even stopped vibrating. He manoeuvred between it's outstretched claws and pierced it's heart, teeth snapping shut next to his ear as they fell. Twisting the large blade to confirm the kill, Squall spun his head around and spotted another target.

Adrenaline surged in his veins and his body hummed with barely restrained magic, he felt alive. The monster he was targeting as he fell was running diagonally down the cliff face away from him. He saw it look over it's shoulder at him with multiple sets of eyes, and run faster. Squall found himself laughing maniacally, it was running from him! Realizing it was fleeing from him triggered a deep seated need to stop it at all costs. He tripped it with Gravity, and angled himself to land on the creature. The six legged beast hit the ground hard, it's fifty foot Gravity assisted free-fall breaking bones. It had time to lift it's head in pain before Squall, blade first, landed on top of it. The body tore, his black boots slipping in viscera as flesh ruptured under him, the force of his landing spraying blood into the air.

Standing at the bottom of the eighty foot canyon surrounded by death and covered in hot blood Squall threw back his head and roared in triumph. The primal and inhuman sound tore painfully at his throat as it echoed though the narrow canyon.

He heard a woman's scream ahead of him. The sound was like a splash of cold water, and he ran forward, slipping in the blood, feeling like he was going to throw-up. It was terrifying how easily he had lost control. Rounding the bend he saw that he had missed one of the creatures. From behind he could see it had grabbed the figure he saw earlier by the torso, blood covered limbs struggling on either side of it's wide head. The blood-soaked headmaster Hasted himself and ran parallel to it, the creature barely had time to register that he was there before he cut it's head off. The echo of his gunblade seemed to stretch on as he cast Float on the severed head to prevent the teeth from doing more damage when it fell.

Carefully, he pried the jaws apart and retrieved the victim, before allowing the monster's remains to fall, he needed to get out of this river canyon before he would be able to do anything. The fading light was becoming a real problem, in another few minutes there wouldn't be enough light to see anything.

As soon as he bundled the light body into his arms his back flared in pain. It felt like his muscles were writhing, a cry escaped his lips as he arched backwards. Strangely, this time the intense pain was almost pleasurable, almost like something pent up was suddenly released.

Blinking away his tears he whistled for Boko, the blood on his fingers sweet on his tongue. He heard a 'Wark' behind him and Boko rounded the corner his beak coated in blood. Squall was a little surprised, he hadn't expected Boko to follow him down the cliff. The promise of a free meal must have been too good to pass up.

Gritting his teeth, Squall quickly mounted the bird and cast Haste on just the chocobo. Letting the chocobo do the running would free him to check on his new cargo. First 'it' was female, probably no older than he was. She was breathing but according to his Scan, her left lung was collapsed and both were filling with blood; everything else was secondary, broken bones, internal bleeding, lacerated organs, she was drowning and would be lucky if she survived another ten minutes. They had to get to flat, dry land where he could get a light going and treat her properly. Just casting Cure would do more harm than good at this stage.

However, it seems luck was with them as within minutes of Hasted travel Squall spotted an animal trail out of the canyon. Steering Boko towards it the trio rose up to the flat plains and not a moment to soon as the last of the sun's light faded away.

Popping more painkillers into his mouth, he quickly set up a fire using magic so he could see what he was doing. He was trained in first aid, but this was field surgery, far more complex and far more dangerous. He focused on draining her lungs and stopping the bleeding. He could have laughed at the irony of it all, he could cut something twice his size in half with a single sword strike, but struggled to save one life.

He was not sure how long he had been working, but eventually he managed to stop the worst of the internal bleeding and re-inflate her lungs. Unfortunately, it was not enough, he was no surgeon, and she needed immediate help. However, he had bought them valuable time. Waking his exhausted chocobo and once again Hasted, they raced for the Garden.

Time seemed to crawl until he could see the tell tale glow of the Garden on the horizon. Fishing in his pockets, he retrieved a flare, hopefully he was close enough. The bright orange light streaked into the sky before exploding, not unlike a firework. He stared intently at the Garden in the distance, the flare would only help if he could fire another one before any exploratory ship could pass him. His eyes strained with the effort of trying to watch for something so small. There, he saw the running lights of a scout approaching from the Garden. He fired a second flare into the distance ahead of him to signal where he was now, he let the Haste spell drop slowly enough to not startle Boko into tripping, and slowed their forward momentum. The airship circled overhead and landed ahead of him.

Two SeeDs waited on the loading ramp weapons drawn, not knowing what to expect. They were understandably confused when he magically pushed them back into the ship and rode Boko right up the ramp. "Go! Fly!" He yelled at the SeeD onboard. Squall's overworked bird collapsed to the metal deck almost immediately as they came to a stop. He dismounted with his fragile cargo, "Is there a medic on board?"

The question snapped the solders out of their trance as the airship rose into the sky once more. Quickly his SeeD responded as they had been trained, taking the injured woman out of his blood soaked arms. He slumped to the deck leaning heavily on his mount.

One of the female SeeD crouched next to him, "Sir, are you alright?"

He nodded. "I'm just tired." Just because he could sustain Haste for hours on end, didn't mean it was easy. He idly stoked Boko's head, the chocobo was panting heavily, he 'kweh'ed softly.

"Sir!" Came a call from up front, "Please prepare for landing, we have arrived."

Docking was fast and Squall watched as the others rushed the mysterious woman to the infirmary. He leaned back onto soft yellow feathers, finding it hard to keep his eyes open now that the adrenaline was wearing off.

There was movement by the loading ramp, "Squall?" It was Xu, she sounded worried.

"In here." He replied.

He heard rapid footsteps as she ran into the airship. "Squall!" She approached him, worry written all over her face.

He waved a hand dismissively, "I'm fine." He caught sight of the blood on his arm and looked down at himself. "I must look a mess."

She crouched next to him, "Just a little." Her relief was obvious. "When the pilot said a chocobo rider sent up a flare and needed immediate medical assistance..." she reached out to touch him. "Are you sure you're okay?" she was frowning in concern again.

She seemed to slide sideways, Squall blinked, his eyelids even heaver than before. He didn't like seeing her frown, but there was nothing wrong. He was just so tired, and Boko was so soft and warm. There was something he had to ask her, if he could just remember, "What's your favourite colour?" he remembered at last, his speech slurring as he fell unconscious.

She smiled at the odd question, "It's red."

He seemed to nod to himself as his eyes closed. He had remembered.

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><p>Please review, even if it's just to say you like it. Or hate it, or whatever. I am aware Squall is pushing the OOC line, but it's been 8 years in a very people focused job so I tried to show some growth in his interpersonal skills. I'm about 34 of the way through chapter 2 right now, but i'm not a fast writer as I do most of my work during my lunch break. I'll just post when im good and ready ^.=.^


	2. Day 2  Morning

Warnings: solo-masterbation, rape(sorta), blood, angst, violence, drug use

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><p><strong>Day 2 - Morning<strong>

Squall shifted uncomfortably, the ground was hard and his belts dug into his flesh. Half awake he realized that his back didn't hurt as it normally did when he woke. It was sore and his skin felt far too tight but it was the first time in a long time that he had woken without the familiar sharp shooting pain. He rolled over to his other side and found himself out of pillow, his head now laying on the same hard surface as the rest of his body. Feebly he reached for the pillow, knowing it was in vain. His stomach said it was time to get up.

"How long are you going to pretend to sleep?"

He rolled onto his back and opened his eyes. Xu was standing by his head, her face upside down to his perspective. From this angle he could see right up her short uniform skirt. He noted with some amusement that she was wearing red underwear.

"What's so funny?" She put her hands on her hips.

He shifted his gaze to her face. "Red huh?"

She raised an eyebrow at him, "Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

Squall sat up in order to face her more directly. He quickly took in his surroundings. "I fell asleep?" The change in position alerted him to his aroused state, that wasn't good. Hungry and horny was a normal way to wake up but with Xu so close, control was be harder to maintain than usual. Her scent filled his nostrils, it was familiar and arousing and spoke to that animalistic side of him. The smell of dried blood mingled with hers and made everything worse. The smell was intoxicating and it was with great difficulty that he reined himself in.

She nodded, then tilted her head, "Has anyone ever told you that you talk in your sleep?" Her eyes flicked down his body, and his lust addled mind thought she lingered at the bulge in his pants. He pulled at the reins of his control again and focused on the question.

"Yes." In his current state he realized that she was far too close to be safe, he needed to get away from her before he did something he would regret later. "No one ever tells me what thought." He leaned away from her as he stood, so that he would not brush against her. What little control he had now would be shattered if he touched her.

Xu stepped towards the entrance as he rose, her look thoughtful, and she nodded to herself. "I can understand why." She breathed.

The comment was not likely for his ears judging from how quiet it was. He sighed, "At least one of us does. " He ran a gloved hand through his blood crusted hair and yawned as they began exiting the airship. "Where is Boko?" He had only just realized that his mount was missing, the stab of guilt helping break up his baser instincts.

She turned to him, broken out of her thoughts by his question. "He's in the training centre terrorizing the resident Grat population." The pair emerged from the airship into the cramped hanger.

Squall grinned wryly, "Yeah, that sounds like Boko." He looked around the hanger, realizing how quiet it was. "Where is everybody?"

Xu shrugged, "It's not even six in the morning."

Squall paused, either he had slept an entire day away or...

"You've only been asleep for about 2 hours." Xu confirmed for him as they approached the elevator. "I didn't want to move you until you had some rest. How long were you Hasted?"

Squall shrugged, "Since just after dark."

Xu did a double take. "But that was..." She did the math in her head. "You were Hasted for five or six HOURS?" Squall could see the gears in her head turning, a look resembling horror manifesting on her face. "But..."

Squall looked away from her, he was something of a monster. No one other than a Sorceress should have been able to sustain such high level magic for that long, but he could. Hell, using Eden's space folding he could teleport too, granted that left a massive crater behind, but he had done it.

His thoughts were broken when she stopped next to him as he waited for the elevator. "Are you sure you want to stay so close right now?" He would never forgive himself if he hurt her again. The doors opened with a ding.

She stepped into the elevator ahead of him. "Please, you're not a monster. " Her earlier look of horror was absent.

Squall growled to himself under his breath, he wasn't so sure about that. He entered the small capsule behind her. She caught his dark look and ducked her head slightly to look away from him. He turned and stood very still facing the door after he sent it up to his suite, he was desperately trying to focus on anything but how close she was, and how tight his pants felt.

"Is it that bad?" She sounded genuinely concerned.

He stared straight ahead, shifting his weight to put a hand on his hip. Hoping his silence would make his point.

Xu however, was far too concerned about the stoic headmaster. "Squall?" She put a light hand on his arm. "Please..."

That hadn't been a good idea on her part. Squall flung her hand off and swivelled to put what little distance he could between them. "Don't touch me!" His blood pounded in his ears, her touch had been like lightning, the jolt went right through him.

She cried out in surprise and stepped back, the low handrail pressing into her spine. Her back arched around it and her head tilted back exposing her slender throat. She recovered quickly, her hands reflexively assuming a defensive positions in front of her, fingers ready to flick out her knives from their sheathes on her wrists.

Squall closed his eyes, taking a deep breath trying to get his panting under control. The image of her throat filled him with need, he wanted to feel her hot blood on his tongue, her body under his. He licked his lips, his memory supplying the taste of her skin. He pressed his hands firmly against the glass door behind him, every muscle straining not to attack her. He needed to get away from her, he could feel his control slipping through his fingers.

"Why won't you trust me?" She sounded sad and confused, her voice barely more than a whisper.

The unusual comment cut through his hazy thoughts, he looked up at her in surprise. He did trust her. "I..." It was himself he didn't trust. "I don't want to hurt you." He hated that it wasn't the complete truth.

Something seemed to trigger in Xu and she gestured angrily, one of her knives flicking into her fingers. "Don't lie to me!" She pointed it at him accusingly. "Don't lie to yourself!" Her chest heaved in her sudden anger, knife point rock steady at his throat.

His blood surged in his veins and his desire threatened to take over. The sight of her angry and ready to kill him pulled a low growl from deep inside his chest. Squall pressed his back against the elevator door, he was seconds away from loosing control. His instincts screamed at him to dominate her, to force her to submit to him. The elevator slid to a stop outside his office.

"For once in your life be completely honest!" Her voice sounded strange, almost needy. She stared him in the eyes, and lowered her knife slipping it back into the magical sheathe around her wrist as the door slid open behind Squall with a ding.

He stumbled backwards, his weight no longer supported by the door. He recovered in three steps and froze, not trusting himself to move while she was still there. The temperature change prickled at his skin, and his panting breath was no longer so loud in his ears. His fingers twitched, he wanted to grab her, to make her his, he had never wanted so badly in his life.

She took a deep breath, trying to regain her composure. "You talk to yourself Squall." She sighed, "In your sleep, you talk to yourself."

His confusion cut through the lust, his rational mind clung to that confusion, desperate for a way to control the beast inside of him.

She looked away from him and pressed the down button on the elevator control panel. "I never thought twice about forgiving you Squall. When you are ready to stop lying to yourself," she looked him in the eyes as the doors slid shut, "come talk to me."

The doors closed with finality and Squall watched the glass capsule descend through the floor. If he talked in his sleep, of course it was to himself, who else would he talk to? He rubbed his scar, he couldn't think straight, his stomach rumbled and his blood surged. He sighed and turned to head into his apartment. What he needed right now was food, a hot shower and a few more hours of sleep.

After pushing aside the tapestry covering his apartment entranceway he headed straight for his fridge. It was fuller than when he left, and for that he was thankful, he quickly pulled out the ingredients for a sandwich and to his surprise found that someone had hidden a six pack of Elixir brand chilled coffee in the back. He made sure to grab one of the distinctive glass bottles, the school had been sold out for almost two weeks, they must have picked up a new shipment from Esthar. Perhaps today would not be so bad after all.

After making his sandwich he moved through the apartment, breakfast in one hand, coffee in the other. There was no point in sitting down to eat, he was finished the sandwich before he even entered his bedroom. Using his now free hand, he stripped off his many belts, leaving them in a pile on the floor. He drank the last of the coffee before leaving his clothes where they fell and headed for his shower.

Quickly getting into the hot water, Squall scrubbed all the crusted blood off his body, the water hot enough to be uncomfortable. His mind wandered, as it usually did, despite efforts to the contrary. Why would Xu forgive him? What he had done was unforgivable. He let the water run down his body, the steam made it hard to breathe. Her red panties were adorable, vivid scarlet with a little lace trim. He briefly wondered if her bra matched.

Squall groaned to himself and grabbed his erection, he knew from experience that he wouldn't be able to focus on anything if he didn't deal with it. He hated this side of himself, the monster inside him that he couldn't control. His calloused hand was rough on sensitive skin and he tried to focus on the sensation. It was futile, his thoughts returned to Xu, the curve of her body, her unique smell, the softness of her skin. He wanted to taste her, to pin her to the glass of the elevator and overpower her.

Again his rational mind balked at the violence of the act, hurting her would be wrong, needing this violence to get off was wrong. She would scream and fight back, her skill with a blade was excellent, but her wrists were thin, and he was far stronger than she was. Pinning her face first to the glass would take very little effort, he'd use her own blade to cut her panties off and her imagined struggles made him pant. He was vaguely aware of his head falling forward, his hand on the wall of the shower all that was holding him up. It wouldn't be gentle, he didn't want gentle, he would force his way into her, using his strength to press her cruelly against the glass with every thrust. In his minds' eye she looked back at him, pain and pleasure written across her face, "Harder." she whispered.

The world went white and he roared as his came, his mind blissfully blank as sensation returned to him. He could feel the beast in his mind curl up, satiated and content. His rational mind rebooted and questioned what had just happened. He wanted her to want it he realized. He needed that to be true, fantasizing about raping your coworkers wasn't normal, wan't right. He shivered, the water had long since gone cold.

He stayed until he couldn't stand it any longer before turning off the water. Drying himself off with a nearby towel he ran a comb through his hair. Sleeping now would be inadvisable he realized solemnly, he needed to distract himself before he would be able to rest properly. He should check on Boko and the injured woman. He caught sight of his nightstand and the empty painkiller bottles, he would have to get more.

He quickly tossed on his SeeD uniform, sans jacket, and attached his weapon belts, he sighed as he dug the three belts that contained his medication and other things he considered essential out of the pile and strapped them to his leg. He glanced at his transformed leather jacket, the fur was splattered with blood. Without another thought, he turned away and left it on the floor.

After grabbing another Elixir, he stepped into his office. The large window offered a spectacular view of Esthar. The city looked like a field of stars in the pre-dawn light. He sipped the highly caffeinated drink, it was still his day-off officially, perhaps he should pay Laguna a visit. It would be preferable to trying to avoid Xu all day.

There was a muffled gasp behind him. He looked over his shoulder, Nida was standing in the doorway to his office. He wore a shocked expression, and was trying to hide something behind his back. Squall waited in silence, his expression held carefully neutral.

Nida coughed, "I thought you weren't back till tomorrow."

Squall continued to wait, taking another sip of his drink. Silence could be a dangerous weapon in the right hands.

The pilot shifted uncomfortably before cracking as he usually did. "I wasn't going to do anything honest."

Squall raised an eyebrow.

Nida rubbed the back of his neck, one hand still behind his back. Squall heard the sound of glass touching. "I was just going to sit in your chair and enjoy the sunrise." He chuckled nervously.

Squall was not convinced, and he had heard an interesting rumour about Nida that he had a feeling was true. The smell of wine nearly confirmed it, Nida was hiding a bottle and at least one glass behind his back. He turned his head back to the city scape, allowing his voice to grow cold. "Nida?"

"Yes sir?"

"I don't care if you use your position to get laid." Nida let out a strangled squeak behind him. "I don't even care if you bring girls to the driving platform when off-duty." He stressed the last two words and looked over his shoulder at the pilot. "But my office is off-limits. I catch you in here again and I'll throw you off the Garden myself." He let his anger seep into the threat.

Nida swallowed hard, looking mollified. "Y-yes sir." He saluted.

Squall turned back to the window. "Now, go away." He listened to the door close and Nida run for the elevator.

Squall sighed, sometimes he hated being right. He finished the last of his coffee in one mouthful, he'd give Nida another two minutes to flee before he headed downstairs. He picked up the phone on his desk and dialled Laguna's office.

The secretary picked up after the third ring. "President Loire's office how may I help you?" She sounded tired.

"Hello Irana, this is Squall. How full is Laguna's schedule today?" He sat on the edge of his desk.

"Oh, good morning Squall." He could hear her typing. "I'm pretty sure he's got most of the day off." She paused, "Yeah, looks like there is just something minor this afternoon. Do you need me to wake him?"

"No, that won't be necessary. I have a few things to care of first. Can you get him to call me when he wakes up?"

"Sure, but he may sleep in until noon or later."

Squall sighed, that sounded about right. "Whatever, I'll just swing by when I'm done then."

"Alright, I'll see you later then Squall."

"Yeah." He hung up. Now that he had decided what he was going to do with his afternoon, he exited his office. He spared a glance for Xu's office door before entering the elevator. He decided to check up on Boko first, Xu had said he was making himself at home in the training centre.

After an uneventful ride to the first floor, the smell of Nida's fear thankfully overpowering his senses, he walked towards the training centre. He nodded to the few SeeDs he passed, while a younger student clamoured to get out of his way and back to the dormitories. He ignored the nervous student, his presence often made the cadets nervous, a fact that took very little for him to get used to, as it made them leave him alone.

He walked into the corridor outside the monster filled section of school and caught sight of a pair of students looking to train. Although he didn't remember their names he did recognize them both. A hard working pair, they were fraternal twins, and were going to take the SeeD field test that was rapidly approaching.

He watched them check their weapons and junctions as he walked casually down the corridor. They would make fine SeeD Squall thought as he retrieved his Chocowhistle.

The pair saluted him, once they noticed he was behind them, and he casually returned the salute with the whistle, earning a raised eyebrow from the boy. Stepping into the training centre proper, he blew the high pitched whistle.

He heard a 'Wark' farther ahead to the right and walked to meet the lively yellow bird. Boko was just off the beaten path, nested comfortably in the vegetation next to the water. Squall frowned, he was still wearing his tack. He smoothed Boko's head crest and removed the bridle, affectionately scratching the soft down above his beak once it was off.

Boko closed his brown eyes and chirped happily. Patting him on the beak, Squall stepped to his side and nudged the bird to get up. Once on his feet Squall removed the light leather saddle and the heavy wool blanket, laying them on the ground for now.

Boko fluffed his feathers and shook from beak to tail, seemingly glad to be rid of the saddle. Settling back into his make-shift nest he began to preen, carefully checking and smoothing each feather.

Squall sighed, at least their run had not harmed the loyal bird. He sat on the tan saddle blanket and closed his eyes. Sometimes, he came down to the training centre to just listen to the sounds of life. He found they could help him sort out his thoughts.

He calmed himself and focused on the din of life all around him. The sounds of the twins fighting a Grat were loudest, the plant creatures' distinctive cry carrying quite far. There were more subtle sounds however, one set in particular caught his attention, a T-rexasaur was on the prowl.

Some thought he should get rid of the dangerous monsters, they bred rapidly and could kill the less prepared. He found himself grinning as he rose to his feet. There were several reasons why he did not; one was that they were a constant reminder to the students that the fighting here was serious; second was they were damn good eating; and third was that they were fun to take down. Fast, strong and cunning, the enormous monsters provided more challenge than anything else he killed these days.

Running towards the creature he caught up with it just as it ambushed the twin cadets. To their credit they didn't panic, instead laying down covering spell fire while they retreated. Squall noted absently that the girl used Blizzard, while the boy preferred Fire.

He pulled his weapon out, the heavy weapon feeling light in his hands. He mentally prepared the ice magic he would use to bring down the T-rexasaur. He brushed his thoughts against the cold spot in his mind like a gentle caresses. The foreign thoughts shifted and brushed back against his mind, curiosity was almost overpowered by the love that poured through the contact. Mentally, he opened his arms to embrace the Ice Queen that called his mind home. She wrapped her being around him, melding with him, her cold power filling him with a strange, yet familiar, warmth.

He opened his eyes from the blink of time awakening Shiva took. His skin prickled and the air wasn't as warm as it was previously. Shiva's eagerness to fight for him, to please him, pulsed just under his skin, he grinned with savage excitement.

He took deep breath and bellowed, "Hey!" The predator turned it's head to look at him, it's beady little eyes sizing him up. "Come pick on someone your own size." True to type, the beast turned to charge the lone target.

Squall lifted his gunblade into a high stance, "You two clear out, I don't want to hit you!" Without waiting to see if they complied, Squall charged. He allowed Shiva's magic to flow through his hands and into his blade, the metal frosted over and was coated in ice.

The T-rexasaur dipped it's head to bite him. Squall caught it on the muzzle, his ice sheathed blade cutting deeply into the soft flesh, he pulled the trigger. The ice on the blade shattered, peppering them both with shards of ice, he finished the slash and hopped back a few meters. The monster roared in pain, tossing it's enormous head back and forth to shake the painful ice shards free. It glared at the source of it's pain and charged him with a roar, intending to trample.

Squall easily dodged to the side, scoring a deep hit on it's thigh in the process. He raised his hand, Shiva's magic surged eagerly forward. Her whispers of a cold death, full of love and devotion, hard to ignore for long. The ice goddess within him writhed with pleasure as cast the powerful Blizzard spell, the thick spears of ice cutting deeply into the T-Rexasaurs' face. It had been too long since they had fought together last, he soothed her worry that the fight was over by drawing on her magic to once again coat his weapon in a thick sheath of ice.

Nearly blinded by the ice crystals the T-Rexasaur once again charged him, it's painful limp made it even easier to dodge and Squall rewarded it with a crippling slash to it's other leg, the large hamstring audibly snapping as it was severed.

Squall snorted as the crippled monster collapsed to the ground howling in pain. That hadn't been challenging at all. Deciding to put the pitiful thing out of it's misery he raised his hand and gave himself to Shiva, calling her to him, whispering for her caress. Allowing her what she wanted most.

A flurry of snow materialized in front of him and coalesced into a naked woman, her blue skin shone like ice as she twisted in the air, the very air freezing in her presence. Almost lovingly she raised her hands and massive crystals of ice erupted from the ground, encasing the T-rexasaur. The sound of squealing glass as the crystals slid over each other drowned out the roars of pain, as the monster froze solid. Finally the ice blew outwards in a mighty burst, leaving the dead T-rexasaur to fall, it's hide coated in a thick layer of frost.

The ice queen spun and floated towards Squall, the very air freezing at her passage. He opened his arms to embrace her. She drifted against him slowly, her blue and yellow ribbon like horns of flesh floating in a breeze that was not there. She placed his hands against his chest and brushed her lips against his in a soft kiss before placing her check on his shoulder and dissolving into a flurry of snow that his arms passed through. He lowered his arms, feeling the ice GF once again curl up in his thoughts.

Squall put his gunblade away, his skin tingled with the sudden warmth of the training center. He breathed a sigh of disappointment, that had not been satisfying at all, he heard a thump behind him. He swivelled to face the sound.

The male cadet from earlier was sitting on the ground, his sister crouched worriedly next to him. Squall could see his skin was white and his lips were blue, most telling however, was his total lack of shivering.

Squall rubbed his scar briefly, why hadn't they moved? He walked over to them, a new guilt to eat at him. "Sorry."

The cadet shook his head, "It was my own fault sir, for not immediately following your order."

The headmaster looked them both over, the boy was obviously hypothermic, and his sister was shivering intensely, but her colour looked good. He cast Cure on them both, "Let's get you to the infirmary."

The boy protested loudly, but Squall was having none of that, he helped the hypothermic student to his feet.

HIs sister was understandably concerned, "Will he be all right?"

Squall nodded as he looped the students' right arm over his neck for support. "You were only caught on the fringe of her blast."

The girl took up her twin's other arm and they walked out of the training centre. Squall could feel the boy begin to shiver against him as his core body temperature started to rise.

After a moment the girl glanced at Squall with a strange look.

Squall glanced at her, he knew from experience that wherever Shiva touched him was likely bright red, the outline of Shiva's cold skin burned onto his skin. The marks would fade in a minute, she had never harmed him with her frozen touch.

She worked up her courage, "Do all GF's grow that affectionate?" he knew she was referring to the almost sexual relationship he shared with his Ice Queen, seeing as how all SeeD's understood that GF's did grow friendly over time.

Squall shrugged, an awkward motion at the moment. "I don't know. Shiva was my first GF, we've been though a lot together." He gave her a wry smirk, "I've never asked anyone if their GF's kiss them, kinda awkward."

She looked at the ground blushing slightly, "Yeah, that would be awkward." Her laughing tone sounded forced.

Squall raised an eyebrow, interesting, perhaps her GF was affectionate in a sexual way as well. That was one aspect of GF use that had not been studied.

The injured boy between them piped up with a shivering laugh. "Show me on the doll where the bad GF touched you." The twins laughed, the sound nearly identical. Squall nodded to himself, they would make fine SeeDs, both were just nearly killed by their own headmaster and they were laughing about it. Although now he was wondering if sexual advances from GFs were more common than he though, seeing as how the boy immediately made a sexual joke. Perhaps it was time for a formal study.

Once at the infirmary he handed the pair over to the nurse at the duty desk to be treated. After explaining what happened, he slipped away from them, his exertions causing his back to begin to flare with pain. Stretching his shoulders he ducked down the hallway that led deeper into the infirmary and let himself into the supply room. The large room contained everything that the infirmary needed, including narcotics. Knowing from experience exactly where the painkiller he used was kept, he helped himself to three of the bottles. He was always careful to never take more than the school could spare, but he found he was going through them faster than before. He would have to start ordering them specifically for him, but then he would be forced to confront Dr. Kadowaki. He shrugged to himself to dismiss the matter and after pouring more of the tiny pills into his hand he stowed the bottles safely away in his leg pocket. Squall snuck out of the room closing the door quietly, while he popped the pills into his mouth, nearly moaning when the pain receded. He hadn't realized the pain had built up that high until it was gone.

"Squall, what are you doing?" He turned to face the elderly Doctor Kadowaki. She looked tired and concerned.

He held his face carefully neutral to cover his surprise. "I was just getting something for a headache."

The doctor obviously did not believe him. "Come to my office for a moment."

Squall briefly debated against it.

"Please, Squall? It's about the girl you brought in."

"How is she?" He followed her to the office.

She shook her head and ran a hand through her hair. "I just finished surgery, she's stable but in critical condition. I won't know for a few more hours." She opened the door and went to sit in her chair. "Although your healing was crude, if you hadn't done it..." She trailed off into a sigh. "What happened to her?"

Squall shrugged, and leaned on the edge of her desk. "She was being attacked by monsters. I had to pry her out of it's jaws."

Kadowaki nodded, "I figured as much." She smiled sarcastically, "I had to re-break every one of her ribs you know."

The headmaster looked away, he had known that she would have to. He wasn't a good enough healer to repair her lungs without repairing everything as it was, bones set wrong and all.

Her expression softened when she saw his, "Squall you saved her life. It's far easier to take someone apart than it is to put them back together." Her voice was almost patronizing.

Squall didn't look back at her, killing was as easy as breathing. He was reminded of just a few moments ago when he had been disappointed in how easy it had been to cripple the T-Rexasaur. He knew, without a doubt that he could kill everyone in the Garden with little effort, all he had to do was summon Eden. It would be like Balamb Garden never existed, she would simply crush the school within the folds of space. All his problems would disappear in one blinding flash.

"Squall?" Dr. Kadowaki asked cautiously.

There was something in her fearful tone that broke Squall out of his dark thoughts. He looked over to her, she looked terrified. Squall looked away, not wanting to see another person who was afraid of him, feeling a sadistic grin slip from his face.

The doctor seemed to recover quickly, "The Anniversary's hitting you pretty hard, isn't it?" Her tone shifted to one of quiet concern. She was probably the only person who had any idea of the true extent of his destructive urges.

Squall said nothing, and shifted his weight to stand and leave.

"Would you like to see her? She's still asleep but..." She was obviously just trying anything to keep him from running away.

Squall hesitated, perhaps seeing tangible proof he could save lives as well as take them would help him return to his normally calm centre. He nodded, and turned back to the doctor.

She was already on her feet, and with a look of concern led him deeper into the infirmary. They passed by the recovery rooms and into the intensive care unit. Magical healing was a wonderful thing, but there were some things only time could fix. The doctor led him to an observation window, within the sterile white room lay a bed containing the woman he had saved. The small figure was attached to many machines, and he could hear their soft noises through the glass.

Although she was covered mostly by a blanket, he could see she was thoroughly wrapped in bandaging, the white gauze adding colour to her pale face by contrast. Her hair was hard to see, the bandaging on her head concealing most of it from view, but it appeared to be pale. Squall examined her face hidden under the breathing equipment, she had a straight nose framed by high cheekbones. He was struck with a feeling of familiarity, like he had met her before, he filed the sensation away resolving to wait until the breathing tubes were removed before assuming anything. His gaze wandered down her slender face until he spotted something unusual around her neck.

"What is that around her neck?"

Kadowaki shook her head slightly, "I think it's a collar." She sighed, "It seems to have some inherent magic ability, so we are waiting to ask what it does before removing it."

Squall found himself touching the glass, "It looks like a strap of bare metal."

The doctor nodded. "It is. There is no seam either, it appears to be a solid ring."

The headmaster frowned in thought, what a strange thing to wear. He stared in silence for a moment longer before the doctor addressed him.

"We are keeping her asleep for now, but I'll let you know when we are ready to wake her up." She hesitated before putting some authority into her manner. "Squall we need to talk about your addiction."

Squall turned to walk away. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't you dare run away, Squall." She sighed, "Did you really think you could take over a third of our stock and no one would notice?"

He put a hand on his hip, he knew this discussion was long overdue. "No."

"How many do you take a day?" She seemed honestly concerned for him.

Squall shrugged, "I don't keep track."

She sighed, "Why would you take such a strong narcotic to relax?"

Squall blinked and looked at her in surprise, it seemed that she had come to her own conclusions about his pill use. "I don't."

Kadowaki tilted her head, "Then why?"

"My back..." He searched for the right words, "I take them for pain relief, nothing more, nothing less."

"Then why wouldn't you come to me and acquire them properly?"

Squall shrugged again, "It's just stress related, you would prescribe R&R and I can't afford that right now. I was gonna come to you once things settle down and I can take an extended leave."

Kadowaki frowned, "Assuming you've only been taking from our supplies, and my math is correct, you should have enough X-Potion in your system to kill a chocobo. Do you really only take them when in pain?"

He raised an eyebrow in shock, he really didn't keep track of his dosage. "I take them to dull the pain. Nothing has ever removed it completely." Perhaps something was wrong with him.

She cupped her chin and thought for a moment. "If that's true there is no way that it's just stress related. You should let me have a look at you, there may be something seriously wrong." Her face lit up as something occurred to her. "It may even be a side effect of your GF situation."

Squall shook his head, "Right now it doesn't matter. The medication allows me to do my job and I can't risk removing my GFs until after the field test at the soonest."

"I could always pull rank. You know I have that authority."

The headmaster shook his head again, "You won't."

She seemed surprised, "How do you know that?"

"Because you know I'm right." He shrugged. "If something is actually wrong with me then I might have to step down as headmaster. With our operations in Esthar so close to completion a change in leadership now would be disastrous."

The doctor frowned, after all, he was right.

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Look, I was going to come to you after the field test anyway. Will you hold off on doing anything rash until then?" He had learned that compromises often made his life run smoother.

Kadowaki sighed, "Very well. You haven't overdosed yet, I will wait." She pointed her finger at him. "But I will hold you to this."

Squall nodded and headed out of the infirmary, the smell of antiseptics beginning to give him a headache. It was still early, he sighed, he should get the blood out of his clothing or he was going to ruin the leather.

Once again arriving back in his apartment he gathered up his clothes and the pile of leather belts and brought them into his kitchen. The sink in the kitchen was the largest after all, and made washing his leather articles much easier. Years of routine made using magic to do what should have been a tedious task, quite simple and straight forward. Squall could have someone else do it, he was the headmaster, but he had been washing his own clothes since he was a child and wasn't about to stop now. Besides, he wanted to wear this outfit to go into Esthar City later. He hung his now clean, but still wet, clothing on a rack that unfolded in his bedroom. He could dry them instantly with Aero, but that tended to wear out the leather rather quickly.

He yawned, two hours of sleep was not enough and Laguna was a late riser anyway. He pulled his boots off and flopped onto his bed, sinking into the soft mattress. He pulled the covers over himself and quickly slid into sleep with only one wish, no dreams.

* * *

><p>I will be treating Elixir like Starbucks. Both in name usage and world presence. Although right now Elixir is only just starting to spread out from Esthar thanks to the SeeDs. After all you could only buy them in Esthar in the game.<p>

If anyone is curious on how I'll be treating the healing items I actually have a chart. Why yes I do have to much time on my hands.

**Potion** - Painkiller, comes in many forms from tablets to intravenous but an Energy shot sized liquid dose is most common. Used and treated like Tylenol and ibuprofen (Over the counter painkillers). Low risk of addiction, and few side effects.

**Potion+** - As above but only liquid form, extra strength version. Glows a little with magic (only made with GFs).

**Hi-Potion** - Palm sized pressurized spray bottle. Acts like a local anesthetic, completely killing all sensation to the location it is sprayed. Has general pain killing after-effect as it is absorbed. Used and treated like prescription painkillers (Like Tylenol 3 with Codeine). Medium risk of addiction and several side effects, some serious.

**Hi-Potion +** - Auto injector (like an EpiPen). A little smaller than a standard EpiPen, works the same but has a stronger pain killing effect due to delivery method. Medium - High risk of addiction and several severe side effects.

**X-Potion** - Tiny tablets that dissolve under the tongue are the most common form. Also comes in an intravenous version. Tablets dissolve near instantly and are very fast acting. Treated like the narcotic painkillers Morphine, Oxycodone and Hydromorphone. Very high risk of addiction and many severe side effects.

**Phoenix Down** - Auto injector of an adrenaline based cocktail and magic. Not used often as you have to be almost dead. Once the heart stops completely chances of success goes down. Doesn't always work…

**Elixir** - Brand name of coffee with so much caffeine in it, it should be considered a medication. Treated exactly like Starbucks otherwise. The chilled version sold in a glass bottle is most popular outside of Esthar due to distribution chains.

**Megalixir** - Elixir coffee mixed with X-potion and remedy+. The equivalent of mixing Amphetamines with Opiates and adding a dash of magic. Very effective, very dangerous, very illegal. Any cadet caught in possession of, or making Megalixir, is immediately expelled. Use of Megalixir by full SeeDs on active missions is frowned upon but often overlooked. The difference between life and death means things like addiction and side effects come after you survive the incident.

**Mega-potion/phoenix** - Doesn't exist, it's just everyone taking the medication at the same time.

**Antidote** - Both pill and auto-injector depending on type of poison and severity. Both are fast acting and wide spectrum.

**Soft** - Auto-injector/intravenous only.

**Eye drops **- Comes in a squeeze bottle with an eye cup. Exactly like the ones at an eye wash station.

**Echo Screen** - Inhaler. Like an ashma inhaler.

**Holy Water** - Small liquid dose or intravenous only.

**Remedy** - Auto-injector/intravenous only.

**Remedy+** - Auto-injector/intravenous that glows with magic. (Only made with GFs) Has some side effects that make using them inadvisable for everyday use.


	3. Day 2 Afternoon

Okay this chapter introduces Laguna, who will be a useful character for exposition as I switch between his and Squall's point of view. My justification for this is the games, as Laguna is the other main protagonist and we see things from his perspective as well. There are some things that I need to show that only someone outside Squall's head can see, and a few plot points to set up that Squall doesn't know but Laguna does. I hope I made the shifts easy to follow, and no one gets lost. Also this chapter is more dialogue heavy, writing banter between the two Loire's is a lot of fun ^.=.^

Bonus: Squall's opinion on fangirls, it's not nice….

Warnings: Violence, blood, angst, transformation

* * *

><p><strong>Day 2 - Afternoon<strong>

Squall rolled onto his side and received a face full of sunlight. He squeezed his eyes even tighter shut, before reluctantly opening them. The sky was a clear blue, not a cloud in sight. The tired headmaster sat up, and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He waited until he felt fully awake before getting out of bed, and checked his now dry clothes before getting dressed. Stretching, he casually made his way out of his apartment. Thankfully, the walk from his office to the cafeteria was an uneventful one. He watched the cadets run around between classes and various students and SeeDs lounging on the benches. The atmosphere was quite relaxed despite the field test that was rapidly approaching.

He noted that it was quite busy before checking the wall clock, it was just past noon. He entered the teacher's lounge and heard a familiar laugh, looking up he saw Xu sitting at a table with a few of the female teachers. She looked over when one of them tilted her head towards him. Xu looked more concerned than angry with him, her eyebrow lifted in a silent question and Squall looked away, not able to answer. What was he supposed to say? He didn't want to hurt her, and he couldn't trust himself not to. He ignored the shushed whispers from the ladies' table and approached the counter.

"What can I get for you Headmaster?" The worker asked him jovially.

"The usual, please."

"One Squall special coming right up." He shouted into the back for a refill on the mashed potatoes before serving up large helpings of both lunch options.

Squall raised an eyebrow, he had never heard it called that before. Had he just never noticed?

The man laughed, "Normally feeds two or three people it does." He placed two trays loaded with plates onto the high counter. "Enjoy sir."

Squall muttered a thanks before carrying both overloaded trays to a table in the far corner to eat in peace. He tried his hardest to ignore the world as he ate, the gnawing empty feeling inside of him subsiding as he did so. Finishing and placing his dishes on a nearby rack he realized that Xu had already left. That certainly made things easier on his conscience. Figuring now was as good a time as any, Squall headed for the airship hanger.

There used to be quite a bit of unused space below the first floor and during the repairs he had made full use of the space by converting it into an airship hanger. Taking the elevator down he emerged onto the hanger floor. Squall had personally commissioned a small airship, it only sat eight people and had little cargo room, but it worked well as a personal vehicle. The small ship was sky blue in colour with Balamb Garden's crest painted onto the side. The name Zephyr was painted under the tinted cockpit glass.

He boarded his airship and thumbed open the radio connection. "BG Control this is the Zephyr, come in please."

The radio cackled before replying, "Zephyr this is BG Control, what can I do for you sir?"

"Going to Esthar, how's my flight path?" He began the process of warming up the engines.

There was a pause before the radio cackled again. "All clear sir, doors open in two."

Perfect, just enough time to prep for the short flight. As promised exactly two minutes later the large hanger door opened and after one last all clear from control he launched into the clear blue sky.

The flight was extremely short, he barely had time to radio the presidential palace to let them know he was landing in their yard before he was hovering over the landing spot. He quickly shut down the Zephyr and headed into the palace proper. Nodding to the guards he strolled down the hall towards Laguna's bedroom, he had been here enough to have memorized where it was.

Once at the large doors he knocked before entering, "Laguna!" There was no reply. Closing the door behind him, Squall stalked through the presidential suite knowing that he was likely still asleep. Beelining for the actual bedroom, Squall knocked on the last door before entering the room. Laguna was asleep as predicted, snoring loudly and managing to take up his entire bed. His blankets were half on the floor.

Squall sighed, how could the man sleep this much? "Laguna!" His father showed no reaction. Stepping fully in to the room he frowned, "Laguna, wake up." Squall prodded his father's foot with his boot.

Laguna shifted and pulled his foot under the covers. "Go-way." Was the slurred response. Squall rolled his eyes, "Laguna get up, it's after noon." He put a hand on his hip.

"Five more minutes." The president pulled the covers over his head.

Squall sighed, "Father, don't make me regret choosing to spend my free time with you."

The word 'father' seemed to do the trick. "Squall?" He peeked his head out to see if it really was him, and not some trick. "What are you doing here?"

Squall rubbed his forehead, perhaps this wasn't a good idea after all. "You have twenty minutes before I change my mind and leave." Turning on his heel he exited the room and closed the door behind him. Pausing for a moment, he listened to the sounds of Laguna getting up, it was easy as Laguna did all his thinking out loud. Satisfied that things were going according to plan Squall retreated to the sitting room and relaxed in Laguna's big plush chair. There was some paper work on the coffee table and he casually flipped through it, his long years of Garden administration allowing him to actually understand the document. He was just getting to a report of civil unrest when he heard something behind him.

The recognizable soft steps and nearly silent swish of cloth, he heard approaching suddenly shifted to be less stealthy. Squall didn't look up from the document, "How'd you know I heard you, Kiros?"

The thin black man sat in a chair across from Squall. "Your ears move when you focus on sound." He stated as a matter of fact.

Squall raised an eyebrow, Kiros' vision must still be exceptional if he could notice such a small movement. He also hadn't realized he had a tell like that, he wondered if anyone else had noticed.

"What brings you to the palace?" He asked as he settled, his joints were beginning to feel his age.

The headmaster tossed the document he had been browsing onto the coffee table he had found it on and shrugged. "I found myself with some free time on my hands. Thought I should pay a visit."

Kiros smiled, "Well, that was thoughtful of you." He reached a hand into his long sleeve and withdrew a deck of cards. "Care for a game while we wait then?"

Squall grinned as he retrieved his own deck. "Same, random alright with you?"

Kiros arched his eyebrow as he shuffled his deck, "Relying on luck to beat me now are you?"

"Hah, hardly." Truth be told, he kinda was. After dealing their respective hands, the battle began.

Triple Triad was a lot like chess. Each move had to be carefully planned and executed. The pauses between card placements lengthened with every card placed. Laguna wandered into the sitting room near the end of the game. He was dressed as casually as he always was, in a half open light blue button up shirt and a pair of khaki pants. He was still towel drying his long brown-black hair. Crouching beside the table he stared at the game in progress, "Oh looks like your winning Kiros."

Squall snorted and played his card, now he was in the lead. "You were saying?"

Kiros grinned smugly and played the final card into the grid, Squall didn't even bother flipping his cards, Kiros had won.

"Ooooh, tough luck little hedgehog." Laguna laughed, using his pet name for his son. "How many does that make now Kiros?"

Kiros collected his cards and laughed, "I do believe that puts me in the lead with 63 games."

Squall frowned and waved a hand dismissively, "You just got lucky is all." He stashed his deck back into it's pocket.

Laguna laughed harder, seeing right through his son's lie. He stood, his knees cracking at the movement and settled into a chair. "It's not like you to just visit out of the blue like this. Anything I should know about?"

Squall shook his head. "Not really, just have some free time is all." The younger Loire shrugged.

Laguna looked thoughtful for a moment, and absently slung his damp towel over his chair. "Well, there aren't any social gatherings today, hey Kiros..." He trailed off as he noticed the uncomfortably embarrassed look on Squall's face.

"Well, uh..." Squall hesitated, why did Laguna always make him uncomfortable? "I was kinda hoping, just the two of us..." He was interrupted by Laguna leaping up towards him, he jumped out of his chair to run but was caught anyway.

Laguna bear hugged his son, "Oh, hearing those words makes your father so happy!" Laguna's cold wet hair was smothering Squall.

How the hell was he so fast! Squall struggled to escape his father's grip without hurting him, his arms pinned to his sides. "H-hey! Cut it out! Let me go!"

"Never! I'll never let you escape again!" Laguna squeezed harder.

Squall managed to free an arm and was frantically trying to push the older man off. "Kiros, help!"

Kiros however had nearly fallen out of his chair he was laughing so hard.

Squall realized it was futile, escaping would likely mean hurting him, so he gave up and relaxed.

Laguna picked up on it right away, "There it's not so bad, now is it?"

Squall scowled angrily and bitterly retorted, "Maybe I'd think that if I had grown up with parents." He regretted the words, even as they left his lips.

Laguna winced and released his son, his pained expression cut into Squall like a knife. "I guess I deserved that huh?" The weight of Laguna's long years were etched into his face as he stepped back.

Squall looked away, "No, I'm sorry."

Laguna shook his head and smiled again, "It was my fault after all." He slumped into his chair. "So then my prickly hedgehog, what did you have in mind?" And once again, Squall's nickname proved as appropriate as ever.

"I didn't plan that far ahead." He replied honestly. "I could use a coffee though."

Laguna clapped his hands together, "Then let's go to Elixir, there is a nice one just around the corner from here." He pointed to his hair and grinned sheepishly. "Just give me a moment to fix my hair." He jumped up with surprising energy and darted into his bedroom.

"That was not fair, Squall." Kiros commented from his chair.

Squall looked away, his hand on his hip.

He sighed and stood to leave. "I know you dislike physical contact, but you could make more of an effort."

"I'm here aren't I?" Squall grumbled under his breath. He waited in silence as he listened to Kiros leave the suite. He really did want to bond with his father, to see him as others appeared to see their parents. It was just so much habit to overcome. The underlying fear that as soon as he truly accepted Laguna he would be snatched away, was always lurking under the surface making things even more difficult. Squall sighed, why was his mind always at odds with itself?

"That was quite the sigh." Laguna commented from behind him, his voice betraying mild curiosity.

Squall turned to him, "Ready?"

Laguna grinned and nodded, having run a brush though his long hair and secured it in a simple ponytail. "Come on, lets go."

The pair leisurely strolled out of the palace, ignoring the whispers and nodding to the guards.

Laguna paused just outside the door and took a deep breath. "It's nice to get out into the fresh air once and a while eh?"

Squall shrugged. Something about Esthar's air had always bothered him, "Whatever." He started towards the cafe.

Keeping pace with his son Laguna tried to engage Squall in small talk. "So why did you come for a visit out of the blue?"

Squall frowned slightly, hadn't he already explained himself? "I had some free time, I already told you."

Laguna laughed, "We both know that's a lie, you don't 'just visit' me."

Squall snorted, "Well apparently I do." Why was Laguna baiting him so?

The older Loire stopped laughing at Squall's tone. "Sorry, forgot you don't like to joke around." He looked out over the city. "You really should lighten up a little."

"So I've heard." He sighed again, suddenly remembering Xu yelling at him in the elevator. 'For once in your life be completely honest!' Perhaps it wasn't such a bad idea. He took a breath before admitting, "I am avoiding Xu."

Laguna did a double take, not expecting a real answer at all. "That nice girl that works for you?"

Squall nodded. "Somehow I've made her upset with me." He frowned, why was telling the truth so difficult? "No, I know why, but there is nothing I can do about it."

Laguna chuckled, "I'm honestly surprised."

Squall raised his eyebrow, inviting an explanation.

"It seems so," he was fishing for the right words, "normal, for you." Laguna chuckled again. "You're usually are worrying about things on a global scale. To see you wrapped up in something as normal as girl troubles is kinda relieving."

Squall pondered that for a moment. "Is that because it makes me seem more human?"

Laguna looked over to him in shock. "I was going to say more your age. Why on earth would you think you weren't human?"

Squall stopped walking and leaned on the railing to gaze over the city scape, "I suppose it depends on what exactly _is_ human."

Laguna frowned, concerned about where this conversation was heading. He waited a moment to see if Squall might volunteer more information. Surprisingly he did.

"Could a human destroy an entire city in the blink of an eye? Or cross half a continent in just a few hours? How about eat their body weight in food every day and still be hungry?" He closed his eyes, "Would a human dream of hurting those he cared about? Crave blood and screams and violence? Wish to cut and flay and maim?" He looked his father dead in the eyes, his expression cold. "No, I do not believe myself to be so human anymore."

Laguna felt a shiver run up his spine. Squall's calm quiet voice was downright terrifying, no emotion, just cold fact. He swallowed, "Squall..." was all he could manage.

Squall gazed far into the distance once more. "Every year that passes makes me understand just a little more of what Ultimecia was trying to do and what Adel did do." He sighed, "The power I have is dangerous, and I fear I may not be able to control it for much longer."

They stood for quite some time in silence. Finally Squall shifted to stand, "I think I understand why people do that, it felt good to get that out into the open." He nodded to himself.

Laguna nodded numbly, he hadn't realized that Squall was that far gone. Dr. Odine had warned him that the GFs within his son would slowly take over his mind, but the eccentric doctor thought it would be a decade a least before any signs would show. It seemed that Squall had been concealing his problem so well that even the great Odine hadn't noticed how bad it had already gotten.

Squall continued to walk towards the cafe, his steps lighter. Verbalizing his fears had felt good, liberating even.

Following behind, Laguna wracked his brain for the other warning signs he could remember Odine mentioned. "Hey Squall?"

"Hmm?" He tilted his head.

"How many GFs do you possess now?"

Squall tapped his chin in thought. "I'm not really sure." He seemed to count in his head, "Must be at least eleven by now. It's hard to keep track when they don't maintain their individuality."

Laguna felt that shiver once again. "What do you mean?"

"Have you ever junctioned a GF?"

Laguna shook his head.

"How to explain..." he pondered for a minute. "When a GF is junctioned it's like another person in your head. They don't talk per se, but you get hints of emotion and desires. The longer you junction them the stronger the feelings get, and the stronger the GF becomes. When I junction a GF it..." he searched for the right words. "It just disappears. Almost like it just melds into who I am and looses that sense of individuality. I still gain all of their abilities, but I am no longer able to summon them or pick their feelings out of the background noise. I only have three left I can still consider real GFs. Shiva, Bahamut and Eden."

Laguna digested that unusually long explanation, "And this whole process makes you feel less human?"

Squall shrugged, "That's part of it." The complete truth, he reminded himself. "I feel like a stranger in my own skin. I'm not sure which GF gave me what anymore, but I can see and smell things that a human really shouldn't be able to." He glanced over to Laguna. "For instance, you are so terrified of me right now I can actually taste it." It wasn't an exaggeration, fear was a bittersweet taste, one he didn't want to get used to. He knew he could grow to love it and a part of him already did, already craved more. He roughly shoved that feeling away into a corner of his mind.

Laguna laughed nervously, a trickle of sweat running down his face. "Afraid for you maybe."

Squall shook his head and smirked, "If you weren't afraid of me after learning that I'd think you were crazy. Everyone fears me, and with good reason I might add." He paused, Xu had never been afraid of him he realized with sudden clarity. She had been alarmed before, but never truly afraid.

Laguna noticed the change in demeanour immediately, "What is it?"

"Xu," he began, "Xu has never been afraid. Not even after..." He didn't finish the thought. Xu had insisted that he was not to tell anyone what had happened that night. Not even the infirmary. He had never been able to understand why she defended him.

Laguna watched Squall sink deeper into his thoughts, the scowl on his face deepening. It seemed whatever spell he had been under that prompted his talkative bout, was over. He had learned more about his son in ten minutes than in the last several years. And he _was_ terrified, he couldn't deny that. Dr. Odine had outlined a very pessimistic future for Squall if he continued to use GFs the way he did.

The GFs would take over his mind and he would become uncontrollable. Laguna had seen Squall in combat during the last major push to clear another district. The boy was less a single person and more a force of nature, made all the more terrifying by Squall's seemingly casual lack of effort during the whole event. If Squall were to ever lose control he would be extremely difficult to put down. Perhaps even impossible, Laguna realized soberly. He would have to contact Odine as soon as he was alone.

Squall, believing the previous topic to be done, changed the conversation without warning. "Have you taken your vacation yet this year?"

Laguna did not respond right away, having been caught off guard by the question. "No, not yet."

Squall ran a hand through his hair, embarrassed. "Did you want to go fishing or something?" He looked away, "I've got some forced R&R coming up because of my back, so..."

The older Loire blinked, absorbing the question. "Yeah, I think that would be an excellent plan. Make sure you let me know when you are ready and I'll be there." He smiled, "This wouldn't be because of Xu as well would it?"

"No," Squall shook his head, "I've been trying to see you as my father. I thought perhaps something like fishing might help." He shrugged.

Laguna laughed, "Well then, I'll have to remember to bring my hedgehog proof gloves." He nudged Squall in the ribs, "Your spines are very sharp after all." Any excuse to lighten the mood was welcomed by the president.

The hedgehog in question snorted, but he smirked anyway. He had never liked pet names, but even Squall couldn't deny that Laguna's was very appropriate for him. At least it hadn't been something cutesy and thoroughly embarrassing. Hedgehog was simple, and to people who knew him, self-explanatory.

The pair made idle small talk, which consisted of Laguna talking and Squall nodding, until they arrived at the cafe they had been heading for. Thankfully the lunch rush was almost over, and they had the majority of the place to themselves. For which they were both thankful, dealing with just the staff was enough to try Squall's patience.

They settled into the large plush chairs at the back of the cafe after grabbing their drinks. Squall breathed in the aroma of his cup before taking a sip.

Laguna was watching the barista's chittering to themselves, "Is it like this wherever you go?"

Squall nodded, "Always." He quickly gave up on ignoring the girls and subtly cast a sphere of Silence around them. To distract himself, and settle his curiosity, he asked about the report of civil unrest he had read in Laguna's suite. "You having trouble with the civilians lately?"

The older man sighed and leaned farther back into his chair. "Those in the least affected districts are chafing at the restrictions still in place," He shook his head, "As well as playing host to the refugee's from the area's still the worst off." Sipping his coffee he gripped his mug, "Makes me want to show them what it's like in the worst districts. Get them to understand why things are the way they are." He sighed again, "I can't though. All I can do is try and explain things."

Squall gestured with his mug, "Imagine you had the power to make them see. Should give you an idea of what it's like to be me."

Laguna looked up at him in shock, than narrowed his eyes, "What do you mean?"

"I could turn the district into a war zone in less than a day." He shrugged, "Would be as easy as breathing. I wouldn't even have to damage the infrastructure to do it either. Just a few well placed Bio spells…" He took a long swallow of his still hot coffee, "Not giving in to that urge is what I have to live with everyday."

Laguna glanced at the barista's who had gone strangely silent. "I meant bring them to the worst affected areas, not kill them. Are you sure you should say things like that in public?"

Squall let out a barking laugh, "Hah! I put up a Silence, the stupid, vapid, fangirls can't hear us." He took a gulp of his coffee. "People like them are one of the reasons I don't leave Garden much." Shaking his head he gestured with his hands, "I get a box this big of stupid fan-mail every week. Only a handful are worth replying to, I burn the rest."

"Really? Do you read it all?" Somehow Laguna couldn't see his son reading fan-mail.

Squall rolled his eyes, "Only enough to know whether to burn it or not, I usually know within the first few lines." He shrugged, "Quite a bit of it is straight up porn, along with the usual marriage proposals."

Laguna laughed, "Porn?" He slapped his knee. "Is any of it any good?"

Squall shook his head, "Some of it is quite entertaining, but not for the same reason the writer intended." Shrugging he gestured with his hands, "Sex just doesn't hold the same fascination for me as it seems to with most guys." Or at least not regular sex, and nothing compared to the raw thrill of killing monsters anyway, he thought wryly.

Laguna swallowed the last of his coffee, "Is that because it's girls writing you?" He never grew tired of poking fun at Squall.

Squall deadpanned, "When did I say it was just girls?" he nearly laughed when he saw Laguna's brain catch up with that comment. He covered his smirk by finishing the last of his mug.

"What? But..." He floundered for a moment before laughing, "You got me there." He pointed to their empty mugs, "Want to stay for another round?"

"No," Squall shook his head, "I need to eat. Where do you recommend?" He stood stretching and let the Silence spell drop.

Laguna looked up in shock as the noise of the city returned to the area, "I know a great place just down the street." Rising he led his son out of the cafe, spotting the refection of the starry-eyed baristas behind them.

Now that they were in a more commercial area and the foot traffic around them had increased, so to did the whispers. Squall seemed mostly immune to it, but a tightening of his face betrayed his growing annoyance. Everyone kept a respectful distance however, and they all seemed content with just staring at the unusual pair and gossiping to themselves.

"Here we are." Laguna announced once they had walked several blocks, "This is one of my favourite restaurants." He glanced at the ever watching crowd, "They don't have private rooms though..."

Squall shrugged and walked into the restaurant. "Whatever." He quickly took in his surroundings. They were still on the tail end of the lunch rush and the majority of tables were full. He spotted an ideal booth at the back, the quiet subdued lighting casting the booth into shadows from this angle.

The host seemed to be taking his time, obviously thinking him just some random person. His attitude changed dramatically once Laguna entered.

"Mr. President, how nice of you to drop in today. Your usual table?" He gestured with two menus towards a window table.

"No." Squall responded curtly. "We will take that booth in the corner." He pointed to the one he had spotted just moments ago.

The host looked to Laguna for confirmation, his annoyance at having been ordered around by some nobody plain to see.

After being seated, and giving their drink orders Laguna apologized for the host. "I've never seen him be so disagreeable before. If I had known he was going to be like that I wouldn't have brought you here."

Squall waved a hand dismissively, looking over the menu. He was both annoyed and amused. "It's been a long time since someone hasn't recognized me. Honestly, I had forgotten what it was like."

Laguna laughed, "I'm surprised he didn't notice the family resemblance." He hadn't looked at his menu yet as he knew exactly what he wanted. "Do you know what you want?"

Squall nodded and folded the menu, "Yeah, I'm just going to get a snack."

Laguna tilted his head, "You already ate?"

"That was over an hour ago." He leaned back onto the padded bench and watched the waitress approach with their drinks. She seemed to know who they both were, if her flushed face was any indication. The cute blonde was obviously trying her hardest to remain professional but her gaze kept drifting to Squall. She managed to take down their orders and almost ran from the table towards the kitchen.

Laguna chuckled, "I still can't believe you don't have a girlfriend, you obviously have to fend them off at every turn."

Squall rubbed his nose, "Because dating would change that at all..." He really wished his sense of smell wasn't so good at moments like this. He adjusted his belts to sit more comfortably.

Laguna caught the movement, "She's cute eh?"

His son shrugged, "She's 'ready to go'," he finger-quoted, "You smell that and have no reaction." He added sarcastically. "There are some things that the body does on it's own."

Laguna winced, "Ouch, never thought of that. I guess a better sense of smell isn't all that great sometimes eh?"

"You have no idea." He sighed, "I can ignore some smells, but that's one of the few that's really difficult to ignore. That and blood."

"Like a lion." Laguna mumbled to himself, obviously thinking.

Squall tilted his head, "What?"

The older man pulled himself back from his thoughts, "You are a lot like a lion. Aloof, proud and predatory." He swept his hand dramatically, "Master of all you survey." He folded his hands under his chin. "I wonder if Edea saw that when she chose Leonhart as your last name."

Squall's hand reached up to touch his pendent. "It's because of this pendent." The metal was warm under his fingertips. "Edea gave it to me the day I was sent to Balamb. Told me it was from my parents." He smirked, "I know that was a lie, but it was a helpful one as a child."

Laguna had the urge to hug his son again, to have grown up in a military school with only combat as a long term goal. Laguna couldn't imagine how hard it must have been. "This is probably going to come out wrong, but..." He took a breath, "In a strange way, I'm glad you were never adopted."

Squall narrowed his eyes, withholding judgement until his father explained himself.

"I mean, you can't miss something you've never had right?" He sighed, "Yeah, that did come out wrong." He shook his head, "Growing up in Balamb must have been so lonely. I can't imagine what it must have been like."

Squall's eyes seemed to focus on something far away. "Please, don't make me remember." He half whispered, half pleaded, trying with all his might to keep the memories shrouded in the haze of his mind.

Laguna closed his eyes, "I'm sorry." he shook his head. "I don't think I can ever be sorry enough. If I had just known..."

The memories came unbidden to his thoughts. "Stop." His childhood had been full of tears, both his and later the children he lashed out at. Being one of the only students without a home outside had made him bear the brunt of the school bullies. HIs small stature had not helped and he had been forced to grow hard and learn to fight dirty, earning him a reputation that lasted to this day. It was a blessing that he couldn't remember his years growing up. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, trying to derail his train of thought.

Laguna watched as Squall seemed to retreat into his memories, his expression unguarded and venerable. The look tore at Laguna's heart, he had always been cautious to not directly bring up Squall's childhood, but with his son being so open he thought he could help the boy get some closure. But it looked like the wounds ran too deep, too raw. Laguna forced himself to stay in his seat as Squall shook his head, his expression angry. He could almost see the bristles Squall was surrounding himself with to protect his psyche.

Squall rubbed his scar and took a deep breath, reining his emotions under control. Why was Laguna so very good at getting under his skin, and through his armour? No, the better question was why he kept letting his defences down around him. He knew this relationship was going to involve pain, and yet he still wanted to tough it out anyway. "No pain, no gain." He murmured absently to himself. He looked Laguna in the eyes once more. "I don't really blame you. Circumstances maybe, but not you."

Laguna raised an eyebrow, was Squall feeling alright? He had never forced himself to try and remain unguarded before. What had gotten into his son today? The whole visit had been surreal.

Squall didn't continue right away as their appetizers arrived. The waitress seemed to have gained better control over herself and was no longer as flustered as she offered to refill their drinks before disappearing again.

Squall thoughtfully chewed a mouthful of salad before continuing. "The day I found out you were my father was probably the most confusing I've ever had." He shrugged, "It's been eight years and I still can't quite wrap my head around it." His expression hardened, "I don't have many years left in me. I want to make the best of them before I lose myself." He chewed another mouthful, "That involves making you family." He pointed with his fork to emphasize his point.

Laguna was at a loss for words. There was so much crammed into that short speech that he wasn't even sure where to start. "I...I don't know what to say..." He stammered.

Squall smirked, "Say thank you, and eat your appetizer before it gets cold." He pointedly had another mouthful.

Laguna smiled, "Thank you, Squall." That was the second time Squall mentioned he was getting worse, and knew he wouldn't have more than a few years of control. That added a much more urgent spin on everything he had learned today, there had to be a way to help him.

They ate in peace both absorbed in their own thoughts. It wasn't until their main course had arrived that the conversation resumed.

"I thought you said you were getting a snack?" Laguna stared at the large meal the waitress brought.

Squall picked up his fork, "You were here when I ordered. I wasn't kidding when I said I eat my own bodyweight in food everyday."

"I know it's just..." Something occurred to Laguna at that moment, "Wait, back in the cafe you said 'Need to eat'. What happens if you don't?"

Squall visibly winced. "I really don't want to answer that." He ducked his head and filled his mouth to avoid answering.

Laguna blanched, "You've never hurt anyone have you?"

He looked up sharply. "No!" His face was full of fury, and he had shouted far louder than he meant to. Xu's skin had been soft, her taunt muscles straining against his grip. His eyes widened and he paled. "At least, not badly." He looked at his hands, what was he becoming? What had he already become?

Laguna swallowed, "Squall, you have to see Odine, maybe he can help..." He began softly.

The anger returned to his face, "No, I will not let him poke and prod me for his own amusement. I'll deal with it myself when the time comes."

"Squall, you don't mean..."

Squall nodded, "I'll just disappear."

Laguna reached across the table, "You can't kill yourself, there may be another way."

Squall's brow furrowed in confusion and he tilted his head, "Suicide?" There was something that had never entered his mind. "I meant leave. I know all the remote places of the world. No one will ever find me."

Laguna sat back in his seat, "You would rather run away than see if can be fixed?" His relief that Squall was not contemplating suicide was palpable.

The younger man scowled darkly, "It's not running away." Besides, deep in his heart he knew he could never go back to the way he was before. The changes to his body were permanent, technically nothing was broken.

Sighing, Laguna continued his meal, "At least think about it, would you?"

Silence descended heavily onto the table, neither sure of how to break the tension. Slowly, Squall's skin began to feel too tight and his shoulder blades ached with renewed vigour. Had it been that long since his last dose? Discretely, he palmed a few of the tiny pills out of his pocket and into his mouth.

His father caught the motion, "What was that?" He sounded honestly curious, rather than accusing.

Squall waited until the pills dissolved before replying. "Pain killers for my back. It's why I have some R&R coming up." He rolled his shoulders in a stretch before continuing his meal. "It's not a big deal."

Seemingly content with that answer, silence returned. They were almost finished before Squall piped up again. "This really was quite good. Thank you for bringing me here."

Laguna chuckled, relieved to have something normal to talk about. "That's why it's one of my favourite places around here. Are you still hungry? They have a great dessert menu."

Squall tapped his chin thoughtfully before a rather feral looking grin crossed his face. "Say, do you want to see something amusing?" His eyes darted around the room looking for their waitress.

Laguna hesitated, "What did you have in mind?" He hoped it wasn't anything too bad.

Squall's toothy grin widened with mischief before he quickly cleaned off his plate. Spotting that the waitress was heading their way, he put a neutral expression on his face.

"Was everything to your liking?" The blonde asked as she gathered up their empty plates.

Squall looked her right in the eyes for the first time since he arrived, and smiled warmly at her. "Everything was wonderful, thank you."

The poor waitress inhaled sharply, her face flushing with colour. "Ah, I-I'll let the kitchen know. Would you like anything else?"

Squall pointedly let his eyes wander down her body, "I'm in the mood for something sweet." Before looking her in the eyes again, "What's your favourite dessert?" He leaned his chin on his hand and tilted his head, looking for all the world like he really did want to know.

The dishes in her hands rattled slightly as her hands trembled. "Ah, um." She stammered her face quickly growing red.

Squall held up his hand to stop her. "Why don't you surprise me?" He smiled and winked at her.

Her knees almost buckled, "I'll be right back." And with that the poor thing practically ran for the kitchen.

Squall managed to maintain a straight face until she was out of sight before grinning like a madman. "Works every time."

Laguna was impressed, he hadn't been sure that his son even knew how to do that. "Where did you learn to do that? I thought you didn't seduce people?"

Squall leaned back in his seat and put his hands behind his head, looking very pleased with himself. "I actually read the fan-mail you know. Read enough and you quickly learn the most common trends." He tilted his head, "I'm surprised you don't receive the same kind of letters actually."

Laguna shrugged and chuckled, "When I was younger perhaps." He lifted his hand to show Squall the gold band on his ring finger, "The ring kept most of that stuff to a minimum." He smiled sadly at the ring and the memories it represented.

Squall lowered his hands into his lap, "Did you ever find anyone else?" He wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer, it was why he had never asked before.

Laguna closed his eyes. "No." He shook his head, "No one could replace Raine. Your mother was a very special person." Laguna smiled sadly at Squall, "You remind me of her sometimes." He laughed lightly, "And myself as well. Although your sense of humour is a little twisted I must say."

Squall smirked, "You seemed to find it funny enough."

"True," Laguna chuckled, "Just don't break the poor girl, okay?"

Squall waved a hand dismissively. "It's not like she sees me as a person. Objects of fan worship rarely are, that's why we are called 'objects'." He shrugged, "I can get away with anything as long as I don't touch her. Touching breaks the illusion."

"You seem very confident in that. Much experience?"

Squall smirked, "I have to find my entertainment somewhere. I can't kill things everyday after all." He sniffed the air. "Oh, that smells good."

As if on cue the waitress returned with dessert. It was a triple layer, chocolate fudge brownie, with vanilla ice cream and whipping cream, drizzled with chocolate and caramel. She presented it with a flourish, "This is our triple fudge brownie cake." She lay two clean sets of cutlery in front of them. "Please enjoy."

Squall unwrapped his fork and carefully scooped a large piece. The brownie was still warm, the ice cream a delightfully cold contrast. He let the taste linger on his tongue for a moment before addressing the blonde still standing next to the table, obviously praying that he found it to his liking.

"This was exactly what I needed, thank you." He smiled at her again before addressing his father. "Laguna you need to try this." He scooped up another large fork full while he licked chocolate off the corner of his mouth.

The waitress smiled and flittered away, her hands still trembling. Laguna watched her float away in her own little world before trying the cake for himself. "I haven't had this in a while."

Squall nodded, "Good chocolate is hard to come by in Balamb."

They continued their idle discussion about food as they polished off the large slice of cake, eventually slipping into a comfortable silence, as each retreated to their own thoughts.

"I suppose it's time to go then?" Laguna smirked as Squall idly drew swirls into the chocolate on the plate between them with a finger.

Squall looked up in shock, having been surprised out of his thoughts. "Yeah, I guess." Suddenly, he turned his head sharply to the door. He scowled, and a low growl started deep in his chest. It was a very inhuman sound.

Laguna looked to the door as well, confused, seconds later a short, flustered man burst into the restaurant. He was sweating and panting, obviously terrified. Laguna looked back to his son. Squall was wound like a coiled spring, his eyes locked onto the front door even as the man stumbled farther into the building. He started leaning forward, about to launch into motion. Laguna instinctively knew that Squall wasn't all there, and that leaving him in this state would be dangerous.

"Squall?" He prompted softly. Squall's ear twitched. "Squall." He said more firmly, moving his hand to touch his arm. The movement caught his attention and Squall turned to him. Laguna gasped, Squall's eyes were white, his black pupils thin slits. A look of confusion crossed Squall's face, he blinked and his eyes returned to normal; before the look of confusion smoothed away on the next blink and the colour faded away as they swivelled back to the door when the screaming started.

Squall could sense everything in the restaurant, every meal, every person, and the fear around him was literally palatable. Worthless, all of them, his attention was on an energy source marking a worthy target. His fingers spasmed, they were pressed against the table so hard the wood groaned with the stress. Movement in the corner of his eye drew his attention. His mind prompted that the prey closest to him was not prey, and not stronger than him, it was an unusual conclusion. Pack member, his primal mindset supplied and immediately dismissed it in the same heartbeat. The man at the door finally started screaming and his attention was drawn to the noise. His blood surged with adrenaline, and he rose from the table in one smooth motion, somehow already knowing exactly where his targets were. The terrified man cowered from him and just pointed out the door.

Laguna jumped up to follow Squall, it was obvious that he was not in control and a real danger, but something was happening outside. Running to keep up with his son, Laguna stumbled when he hit the pavement outside. Three red dragons were winging over the city. Laguna felt his knees go weak, "You have got to be kidding me." He groaned, scanning the crowd for his son, while he fought against the press of bodies towards the dragons.

The noise of terrified people almost overwhelmed his senses before he darted through the panicked crowd, leaving bruises and broken bones in his wake, the taste of fear drowning out the scent of his prey. He growled in frustration, and looked around, he needed to be higher, closer to his prey. There, the shiny square structures were closer together here, running on top of them should be easy. Dashing over he looked at his hands, they were wrong, stubby pink fingers, weak, useless for climbing, wrong. Standing at the base of the wall he looked at his hands and _flexed_, sharp pain lanced down his arms as a set of blood red claws pushed out of the useless pink digits. The translucent skin bulged and tore as the dark furred muscular fingers manifested. Grinning he tore the bloody flaps of skin away and flexed his new hands, strong, muscular, deadly, right. The scent of his own blood filled his nostrils and he leapt for the wall, using his sharp claws to gouge out hand holds on his quick climb. He hit the ground running, feral grin plastered to his face as he saw his prey circling a clearing up ahead. They wouldn't know what hit them.

Laguna lost sight of Squall when he darted between the buildings, his lungs burned trying to get enough oxygen to his overworked muscles. "I'm getting too old for this shit." He skid to a stop in the alleyway, it was a dead end. He panted and looked for some sign to let him know what way the headmaster had gone. There, blood splattered on the ground and wall, as well as what looked like a pile of jelly. He poked it with a finger, flesh, it was a pile of flesh. Gingerly he lifted a piece, it looked like a strip of skin, he dropped the raw flesh and followed the blood trail to the wall. Somehow Squall had gouged handholds into the plastic and metal wall. Laguna sighed, "I'm getting way too old for this shit." He climbed the wall, and stopped once on the roof, breathing heavily. He scanned the roof tops, the dragons looked to be circling the plaza in the distance, no doubt hunting the people still there. Squall was leaping between the rooftops on a direct course for them. There was no way he was going to be able to follow, the gaps were just too large for him to jump. He sighed and pulled out his radio.

"I need a pick-up. I'm on the roof of Skyway Delivery."

"Roger Sir, on our way." The radio crackled and went dead.

Laguna watched the rapidly disappearing black figure. What the hell had happened to his son? He keyed on his radio once more, "Someone bring Dr. Odine to the palace."

"Sir? Are you alright?" Was the concerned reply.

He sighed again, the Red Dragon's screams of combat drifting on the wind as Squall met his targets. "Yes, but we are going to need his expertise. Tell him…" One of the dragons fell from the sky, it's death cry loud and plaintive, "Tell him, 'The storm is coming.'" That would bring the crazy bastard running.

"Roger Sir. Message received."

Laguna watched as a bright flare of magic blasted the second dragon. "Please stay in control hedgehog, don't make me put you down." The dying cries of the second dragon drifted on the wind.

Squall roared his frustrations to the world, too easy, his mind knew of no greater prey than the great winged beasts, so why was it so easy? He leapt for the last of the trio, his powerful claws rending the delicate wing membrane he landed on. They twisted as they fell, the dragon screaming when it's bulk hit the ground. Not wasting any time, he leapt for the back of it's neck intending on landing a killing blow. The dragon tossed it's head trying to shake him off. He sunk his talons into the red scales, they cracked under the pressure and he dug into the soft flesh underneath. The tossing grew more desperate and Squall bit the spine under him in an attempt to break it. He couldn't get a grip on the slick scales, he growled, why was his body so wrong? He snapped his teeth together, wrong, all wrong. He knew what he was supposed to be, why wasn't his body correct? He roared in frustration again, and pulled at the scales over the spine he wanted to crush. They peeled off with a wet tearing sound. He bit at the bare bloody skin, still not right, he bit harder, clenching his jaw until he felt something give. Sharp pain lanced through his skull and he roared in pain, before biting down once more. This time his teeth sunk into the soft flesh to the bone underneath. He clenched and felt the bone give with a satisfying crunch. He ripped the huge chunk of flesh free, gulping it down before digging deeper into the wound. Large prey had large bones, and he dug until he reached the sweet marrow inside.

The dragon gave a strangled cry before falling limp, it's spinal cord severed. Now that his teeth were working right he gulped down a few more hunks of flesh to ease the constant gnaw of hunger. There was a high pitched whine approaching, he tracked the sound to it's source. A large flying creature with no wings was heading right for him. He flexed his claws, maybe this would offer a challenge? It stopped just outside his leaping range, there were markings on the side and he immediately relaxed. Pack member, his mind told him. He turned his attention to bolting down more of the slippery meat as the flying thing drew closer. A hole appeared on the side and his pack member appeared in the gap. He was yelling, and waving his arm. Swallowing one last hunk of meat he leapt for the hole.

It was a long jump and he skid to a stop on all fours, his bloody claws sparking against the metal floor. He sniffed the air as he rose to a crouch, there was a sour smell, and fear, lots of fear. His pack mate crouched near him, cautious, wary. He reached out a soft pink hand, making soft soothing noises. Squall leaned over to smell it, to get to know his pack mate better. Smelled like he did, his sire, his memory supplied once more. He rubbed his cheek against his sire's fingers, wanting to feel physical contact. He shifted closer, claws clicking loudly on the metal floor, and pressed his side up against his sire's, resting his head against his shoulder. His sire continued to make soft noise and ran his fingers through his mane. It was relaxing, curled up next to a warm body, his belly comfortably full, and a hand stroking his head. He yawned and licked the blood off his nose, in his contentment his chest rumbled in a soft growl. He snarled briefly at a sharp pinch on the back of his neck, but relaxed when the pain was soothed away with soft hands and soothing noise. Sleep overtook him quickly then, the anaesthesia Laguna injected into the back of his neck taking effect immediately.

* * *

><p>Squall's nickname is a reference to the 'Hedgehog's Dilema' wiki/Hedgehog's_dilemma I seem to remember someone bringing the tale up in game, in reference to Squall.

Laguna seems like the type to have nicknames for everyone, and most parents have nicknames for their kids (or at least all the parents I know do). So I decided to run with it, the name is horribly appropriate and anything else would have seemed contrived, imo.

So yeah, Squall's kinda leapt off the deep end here, I hope everyone followed the stream of consciousness stuff, it's kinda a new style for me. I also hope everyone was okay with the perspective shifting, I tried to make it as clear as I could, but I can see what's going on in my head….let me know if it isn't clear.

Once again I love reviews! Both good and bad! I'm taking a right turn here in terms of Squall's character so let me know what you think ^.=.^


	4. Day 2 Evening

This chapter is dedicated to the Neir Gestalt & Replicant Soundtrack. It has the most amazing ability to invoke any mood. One scene in particular owes much of it's emotion to the track 'The Wretched Automatons'. The heavy industrial percussion paired with the melancholy female voice combines into something that really helped set the mood for me as I was writing. Many of the other tracks feature strong military snares and haunting vocals, invoking driving resilience in the face of despair, a common theme in the game. Highly recommended.

Warnings: Violence, Blood, Angst, Transformation, torture, mind control, cannibalism (graphic talk of), auto-cannibalism (self eating), M/F, D/s, blood play, oral, bestiality/anthro (depending on point of view)

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><p><strong>Day 2 - Evening<strong>

Pain…

…Sharp, shifting, writhing…

**Pain**

Squall screamed, his voice tearing, the sound pulled forcefully from his chest. His muscles spasmed painfully, trying to curl up to relieve the searing pain in his spine. There was a metallic clang and his arms and legs were held down with skin tearing force. He opened his eyes, his vision blurred through the tears that streaked unchecked down his face. He lay on a bed only covered with a thin sheet, his limbs restrained by metal straps on a metal frame. The room was dark, lit only through a curtain covered window, but the walls looked white. The smell of disinfectant stung his nose and there was an IV drip secured under the bandaging on his right hand, a hospital then.

He could hear the faint sound of an animal whimpering, it was similar to the sound some monsters made when near death, and froze, horrified. _He_ was whimpering. He tried to stop and his back writhed unnaturally, another scream ripped from his throat. It was more of a yowl than a scream, the sound inhuman and raw, and he panted, unable to stop the high pitched keening that escaped.

He had never felt such pain in his life, it was like his skin was ripping open, his bones shifting, his muscles tearing. It made getting a lance of ice through the torso feel like a splinter in comparison.

A brief wish to be put out of his misery crossed his mind. He stared up at the ceiling, and tried to distract himself from the mind bending pain. He pulled at the metal straps holding his bandaged hands away from his body. They bit into his flesh and the frame shifted slightly with a clank, not enough movement to make use of. But his hands didn't feel damaged, why were they bandaged? He flexed them experimentally, but minor stiffness would be drowned out in the torture he was suffering.

A little cold would considerably weaken the metal restraints, he tried to focus on where Shiva resided in his mind. It was difficult, "Shiva…" his voice was raw, and his tongue felt thick, "Please…" He heard Shiva cry out for him but she was faint, muffled, almost as if…"Shit, Silence." He swore aloud, his voice growling the last syllables.

Now that was an interesting sensation, he tried growling again. His chest rumbled, and his throat vibrated, it was almost pleasant. "What the hell happened to me?" Another spasm wracked his body and he felt something in his lower back tear violently. His screams became a true animal roar as his world was washed in blinding pain.

To save itself his mind just, let go.

Suddenly, he felt strangely detached. Like it was all happening to someone else. The feeling of hot blood pooling under him, the strange foreign signals his brain was now receiving, the wet slapping of something hard against his legs, the feeling as his throat tore itself to shreds, his roar never ending, only changing in tone. He wondered what it was that kept hitting his legs, and why it kinda felt like he was hitting himself. But to look meant that he would have to associate with his body again, and judging by the sounds he was making, the pain had not subsided yet. He was enjoying this moment of peace and had little reason to break it.

He was probably in shock, and possibly dying. The fact no one had come to check on him meant they sound-proofed the room, another Silence spell was his guess. He wondered briefly why he was naked and if they had cut his clothes off, he had just broken in that pair of leather pants, and his collection of magical belts was probably priceless.

Hmm, bleeding out on a hospital bed, feeling and sounding like a T-Rexasaur being skinned alive and he was worried about his clothes? Definitely in shock he decided.

He listened with detached curiosity as the roaring subsided and softened to whimpers once more. That strange feeling of hitting himself was really starting to get on his nerves. He sighed mentally, curiosity was going to kill him one day. He willed himself to open his eyes once more. His body slowly began to feel more real, the pain had subsided some he noted before opening his eyes. He shifted his head to look down his body, and stopped breathing entirely.

The sheet had been thrown off in his thrashing and slicing through the air was a curiously shaped pale object. It reflected the low light like metal and seemed to be attached by a thick black cord to somewhere underneath him. When he froze, it had frozen too, it was shaped like a strange trident he observed absently. The outer two tines were longer than the centre and curved outwards like claws. The centre tine was broad and ended in a crescent that curved back towards the base. It was strangely elegant, and very dangerous looking, the whole thing as large as his head, thin but broad.

Several things all hit him at once when he took his next breath. First, his throat really, really hurt. Second, when he moved so did the cord, and the weapon attached to it. And lastly, and probably most importantly, there was a slight breeze blowing past the cord as it moved.

He felt the breeze blow past the cord. He blinked, he _felt_ the breeze blow past. It was not a cord and it wasn't attached _under _him, it was attached _to _him. It was a tail, _his_ tail. He watched as it relaxed and lay down on the bed, the end disappearing over the edge, he stared at it his mind strangely still.

"I must have finally gone insane." He concluded, nodding to his new appendage. Well, if he was crazy, or dreaming, or both, then he wasn't going to just lay here in pain waiting for the end. He studied his restraints. They consisted of a hinged strap of metal crudely welded to the guard rails of the bed itself. They were not locked however, a hitch-pin held the halves in place around his limbs. There was no way to reach it with his fingers, and shifting his wrists just caused the metal to bite deeper into the bandaging of his wrists.

He looked at his tail again, finding it kinda odd he already thought of it like that. If he could control it, the claw like protrusions could hook the loop and pull the pin out. He focused on trying to move the long tail, getting nothing more than a twitch. He thought clearly about the motion he needed to make, pushing out all distractions. The pain, the uncomfortable position, the itch where the IV entered his body. One smooth curl, hook, and pull, that was all he needed.

In the end it was far easier than he thought it would be. Sure it took him a few tries, but he thought it would take far longer to learn to use the new limb. It was almost like he already knew how to use it, like he was remembering, rather than learning. He pushed the thought aside roughly, his tail jerking as well, and used his now free hand to free himself from the rest of the restraints.

He quickly realized that his hands were not injured, but that they moved differently. It didn't feel wrong, just different. He loosely stretched stiff muscles as he pulled out the IV lines and unwrapped his hands.

First thing he noticed was the colour, they were black. Then as he continued to remove the bandaging he saw the claws. He clicked them together and flexed each joint, fascinated. "Holding a pen should be interesting." He mused, wondering how his mind could come up with such things, this really was a strange dream, even for him. He ignored the nagging feeling that it was _too_ strange to be a dream.

Steadying himself he swung off the bed, his tail staying out of his way on it's own. Standing was interesting, his centre of balance was shifted back some, and his tail swung as he stumbled. He had to shift his weight forward onto his toes to stay upright. It occurred to him that his legs were not built to maintain this shift in balance and grumbled, irritated that his mind wanted more change. He practiced walking, and quickly realized that thinking about what his tail was doing was screwing him up. If he just walked his body took care of itself. He ran his claws through his hair, finding that scratching his scalp felt wonderful.

He looked around again, there had to be a bathroom if this was a solitary hospital room. He spotted the open door almost immediately in the dark. He padded across the cold floor, his stride slightly changed, but stable and smooth and flicked on the bathroom light, wincing at how bright it was. He chuckled in relief when he realized there was a sink and few towels. Like growling, the sensation was a new one, but felt good, the vibrations triggering an endorphin flow that dulled the constant pain somewhat. He maintained the low growl to see how long he could keep it up before it became uncomfortable.

Wetting one of the small towels he studied the changes to his body in the light. His hands were covered in short, yet thick, black fur. The fur thinned out just past his wrist joint into his normal hair pattern. His claws were a rich blood red, and were actually retractable, an extra joint allowed the tip of the claw to rest above the pads of his fingers. He had to flex to get the claws to engage and touch something flat under his hand. Confident he wouldn't harm himself, he began to wash. He was covered in blood, a lot of it his own, and the thought of being clean made his pleased rumble deepen.

The constant growl wasn't uncomfortable at all, and the endorphins released were very pleasant indeed. He listened to himself for a moment, he didn't stop to breathe, the volume decreased as he breathed in and increased when he breathed out but he didn't feel short of breath at all. It reminded him of something, something he really should know.

His laugh was sharp when he remembered. It was called purring. "Yup, definitely dreaming." He laughed again not noticing the hysterical edge and hummed a tune he had heard somewhere, his tail swinging in time to the song in his head and the blade on the end clicking against the wall in the small room.

Wiping his skin made him realize that the large strips of blood red on his hands and arms were not blood. It seemed to be a tattoo of some sort. It was like large strips of skin had been peeled from the back of his hands, joining into one large strip that spiralled up and faded out near his elbow. It coloured the hair that grew through it, so that the band of vivid colour was unblemished.

When he reached his lower back he realized that it too was furred, it followed his spine and the line of his hips before fading out. The red tattoo like markings also wound their way up his tail and crawled onto his ribs, fading quickly away. His tail was an extension of his spine and lay flat against his firm cheeks. He reached to grab his tail to give it a good wipe down and it twitched out of reach.

"Get back here." He grumbled, spinning once to catch his disobedient appendage. He stopped and smacked himself in the face, somehow not gouging out his eyes. He was chasing his own tail. He sighed and willed the limb to curl in front of him. It obeyed, after a moment. He held the weapon on the end of his tail examining it closely. It was surprisingly heavy without support and wasn't made of bone, it seemed to be made of horn instead. It was ivory white in colour, once he washed the blood off, thick as his thumb and very sharp. He gave his tail an experimental tug, it reflexively twitched in his grasp. Well it was most certainly attached to his nerve endings. He would have to be careful not to get it caught in doors or stepped on. Letting go of it he felt it swing down into what he thought of as a neutral position, hanging almost straight down with only the tip curled up to keep the roughly four and a half foot appendage off the ground. He dropped the now blood red towel into the sink and stared at his reflection.

Staring at himself he realized that the changes did not scare him, when they probably should have. Perhaps it really was all just in his head. "What am I?" That's when he saw he had something in his mouth. Opening wide he revealed a set of massive canines. His whole mouth had changed to accommodate them. His front teeth were narrowed and his molars were all shoved back, and his gums had large grooves that allowed his mouth to close fully as the four large teeth were far longer than the rest. The bottom canines rested between the upper canines just like a dog or a cat's teeth. His mouth opened wider than before as well. He closed his mouth with a click, and licked his lips with a flat broad tongue that rasped against his skin. He stared at his refection a moment longer, expression unreadable even to himself, before wrapping the last clean towel around his waist and exiting the bathroom. He wasn't as clean as he'd like, but it would have to do for now.

He looked at the window, time to find out where he was. Carefully, he pushed aside just enough of the curtain to peek out. He spotted several things at once; first, he wasn't in a hospital, the hall outside was inside the presidential palace. That placed him in Laguna's private clinic. Second was all the movement. There were several people outside in the wide hallway, they appeared to be having an argument.

Directly across from him and facing the door that was to his left was Xu and Seifer. He had his arms around her and for a moment Squall felt a vicious stab of jealousy wash over him until he realized that Seifer was restraining his deputy headmaster. He had her arms pinned and was almost holding her off the ground she was struggling so hard. She was furious, and she was screaming, and kicking and Seifer just grimaced and held on. To their left stood Zell, he looked like he had just come in from the field, there was a smear of blood on his shirt and he still wore his combat gloves. His fists were clenched and he was staring at the floor, a look between anger and hopelessness on his face. Sitting on a bench against the wall on the other side of Xu and Seifer, was his father. As the only one sitting he seemed much smaller than the others, he was leaning on his knees with his head in his hands and Squall couldn't see his face. FInally in front of all of them was Doctor Odine. His ridiculous red and white collar hiding his entire head from this angle.

Odine made a grand gesture to Laguna and everyone in the hallway looked at the Esthar President. They seemed to be holding their collective breath. Laguna leaned his head back against the wall, his face pained and Squall saw his lips move. 'Forgive me Hedgehog.' Squall felt a jolt of fear go through him, Laguna wouldn't, he couldn't. He was vaguely aware of his tail hitting the back of his calves. Laguna opened his eyes and his face was hard as he glared at the eccentric doctor, 'Do it.'

Odine whirled with a grand gesture to the door. Squall saw a thin, feminine arm raise from just out of view. "No." He gasped, the smell of his own fear rising. Around that thin wrist was a bangle he had very nearly lost his sense of self to place there. Two years of torture only ended by the jewelled trinket Odine raised his hands to remove. Squall reacted without thinking, if that bangle was removed his life was over.

Crossing his arms in front of him he dove through the thick glass, using his claws to help break it. He rolled once and leapt for the blue clad woman standing in front of the door, ignoring the glass now embedded in his skin.

There were shouts, but no one was fast enough to stop him. He flexed his claws and opened his mouth, instinct taking over. One solid bite and he would kill her. Messy, but fast. His whole world was focused on the rapid pulse beating in the slender throat he was going to tear out. He would never submit, never surrender, he would fight until his dying breath.

His claws dug into her too familiar skin and his weight began knocking them over, he forced his head forward, praying he was fast enough.

"NO!" Squall's world froze as the magic washed over him, icy hot and unstoppable. It was over, he had lost.

They hit the ground hard, his canines dented but did not break the skin his broad tongue pressed against. He could feel her blood running between his fingers, and his tail lashed wildly, daring any to come near. He strained with all his might to close his jaws, his muscles refused to obey. It was over. He could feel the controlling magic seep into his mind, barbed poison hooks. He panted, a whine escaping his throat as his muscles shook under the strain. He would not back down, he would not give up; he had fought it before, he would fight it again.

"Let go." Her voice was strained, sad. Her hands rose to his forearms, "Please, Squall."

He growled pitifully and let go, pulling his head back and closing his mouth, fighting the command with every ounce of will he still possessed. He shifted back and released her shoulders. Crouching at her feet he closed his eyes, focusing instead on the controlling tendrils cocooning him. He would not give up, he would not be a puppet again. Never again would he be controlled against his will, he couldn't do it again, he had barely survived the first time.

"Squall." Her voice was soft. She sat up and brushed a hand across his cheek, he tried to pull away but could not. "I'm sorry." Her voice caught in her throat, and she pulled a shard of glass from his face. "I'm so sorry." He did not move, she did not want him to. "Please look at me."

He could not refuse. She looked almost the same as he remembered, a few laugh lines were starting to become permanent but the years had been kind to her. Presently she was crying, her face a mask of sorrow. His tail lashed violently to the side, did she have any idea what she had done?

"I'm so sorry. I never wanted this." She tucked her legs underneath herself, her pale blue summer dress hiding them from view, "I didn't understand before, what I did."

He could feel himself going insane, to be trapped in his own body again, wakeup, wakeup,** wakeup**.

"I didn't know." She shook her head and wiped the tears from her eyes. She regarded him a moment, her hands drawing to her chest. "So much pain," She closed her eyes, "This wasn't how I wanted to see you again." She tilted her head and forced a smile. "You have grown stronger. I won't be able to hold you forever." She rubbed her throat. "What will you do?"

He growled darkly, and his tail curled around and uselessly threatened the woman in front of him, "I will see how much difference there is between a Sorceress and a GF. I will consume you." He ignored the gasps behind him and continued, his voice was rough, and physically painful, but the compulsion forced him to say exactly what was on his mind. "I will savour every part of you, from your soft organs to your hard bones. I will eat your magic itself and you will not create another like you. If you release me now, I will kill you first. Otherwise, I do believe I will greatly enjoy your screams, Rinoa." His tail pulled away from her, and curled around his bare feet.

She smiled genuinely, "If anyone could steal a fragment of Hyne it would be you." She glanced around them, "Deal with your people. You have work to do." She rose to her feet, and smirked, "And pants to find." She swayed, drunk with the magic that returned to her.

Squall scowled and rose smoothly to his feet. His towel had been lost in his bid for freedom, not that he cared, growing up with communal showers had erased any sense of body shyness long ago. He scanned the faces of the small group assembled. Zell was staring at his tail, his eyes tracking its every movement. Seifer was pointedly not looking at him, as was Laguna. Odine was trying study him, shifting excitedly from one foot to the other.

Xu was watching his face, she must have been worried out of her mind. She always worried about him. Seeing Seifers' arms around her was beginning to bother him however and his fingers twitched towards the weapon he did not have. "Xu, status?" He tried to make the inquiry all business but it sounded far to needy for his liking, he needed to know he hadn't hurt her, again. He would never forgive himself if he had.

She pulled at Seifer's arms, "No civilian deaths, and your belts are salvageable." She glared up at Seifer to let her go.

Squall raised an eyebrow, that had not been what he meant. No matter, he would ask later in private.

Seifer released her and stepped back his hands raised, his eyes wary. He paused before curiosity got the better of him. "Is it always so fluffy?" He tilted his head, the welding goggles on his head catching the light.

"What?" He looked down to his tail, every hair was standing on end. With effort he lay the hair flat once more. Why had it done that?

Rinoa giggled behind him, and his tail fluffed uncontrollably again. He sighed, great, now everyone knew how terrified he was. He felt like he was going to burst he was so full of emotion, he refused to break down in front of everyone however and glared at Zell instead. He held out a hand, "Your spare uniform." He demanded, his claws flexing in a 'give me' gesture.

Zell blinked and looked at his hand stupidly for a moment. "Oh, right." He dug into his pocket and retrieved the spare uniform all SeeD carried. "Here."

Squall took it, careful to keep his talons from harming the man. Tucking the folded uniform under his arm he turned to go back into the room he had burst out of. He needed a moment to gather himself as well as pull the shards of glass out of his skin, they were starting to sting.

Rinoa giggled again as he walked past, she was drunk on magic and having trouble standing. Her control was absolute however, and he could not attack her, despite his efforts. She waved a hand and the Silence spell on him dissipated. Shiva brushed against his thoughts, her concern drowning out the others. He refused to acknowledge the sorceress and moved to open the door.

"Squall?" Laguna's voice cracked. He had knowingly imprisoned his own son, and Squall could not blame him. That was the part that hurt the most. He understood _why_ this horrible turn of events had occurred. An entire continent of people was not worth one man, no matter whose son he was. It was this or death. And at the moment he wasn't sure which he preferred.

Squall's frustration, anger and hopelessness surged within him and though he was in control of his expression he was not in full control of his tail and it lashed to the side. The weapon imbedded several inches of itself into the wall beside the door with a solid sound. "I want all of the security footage, original and copies." He didn't need anyone to see what had happened, and he made sure his tone said that he didn't want to see Laguna when he came out. He wrenched his tail out of the wall and stormed into the room, closing the door behind him before Laguna could reply.

He leaned against the inside of the door, and fought the urge to scream. What was he going to do? He couldn't even pretend to be human anymore. He looked down to his hands, how would he maintain control of the SeeD? Would they follow a monster? Would he keep changing? He closed his eyes and banged his head against the door.

Wake up.

His skin was too tight, restricting and ready to split and peel away like ill fitting clothes. He banged his head again.

Wake up.

Maybe it would be best if they just put him down. He _would_ kill Rinoa eventually, but without her control would he kill others? Was he really a monster? He didn't feel like one, he just felt like himself.

He pushed off the door, Rinoa wanted him to hurry up. He shook his head to try and clear it. He had a job to do. He would use her control to his advantage and see the SeeD exam to completion. Everything else could wait until then.

He flicked on the light and moved across the room, placing the uniform on a patch of the bed that wasn't soaked in his blood. He quickly dealt with the shards of glass in his arms, his claws working extraordinarily well as tweezers. A small Cure brought him back to one hundred percent. He pulled the pants on and quickly discovered a problem. Having his tail tucked into the back of the pants was incredibly uncomfortable. He pulled them off and stared at them for a moment.

"I wonder…" He ripped the rear seam and pulled them on again. Much better, he sighed, relieved he would still be able to wear pants. At least his luck wasn't so bad that he'd be stuck wearing something ridiculous like a skirt.

He would just have to find a way to hold the torn seam together around his tail or the pants would fall off. A couple of safety pins or a belt would do the trick. Squall snorted, the one time he needed a belt for practical purposes and he didn't have any. His mind immediately thought of Xu, she always had strange bits and pieces on her. He hesitated though, the last time they had been alone with each other he had nearly attacked her. Perhaps, perhaps it was time to be honest with his deputy headmaster, honest with himself. It would be better to drive her away with the truth now while he was under control, than harm her later. He felt his gut clench at the thought of losing her. Having this disaster not be a dream would be better than that.

He took a breath and raised his voice to be heard in the hallway. "Xu, do you have any safety pins?" He heard the door open behind him after a moment. He held still, unsure about his decision.

He heard her sigh, close the door and walk closer, "What did you want to talk about?"

Squall smiled despite himself, she knew him too well. He looked over his shoulder, "Actually, I do need a couple of safety pins." He looked away again. He could smell her now, it was familiar and comforting, the knot in his gut eased just a bit.

She dug in one of her pockets, "You aren't going to stab me if I touch you?"

He shrugged, his tail mimicking the movement, "I hope not."

She stepped close enough for him to feel her breath on his back. She held it and placed her palm on the fur at the base of his spine. "It's soft." She stroked the black fur tentively.

Squall shuddered, every hair had a nerve ending, and the cascade of sensation made him gasp. It felt incredible, and he was suddenly very glad she was behind him and not in front. Her hand left his back and he leaned back and whined before he could stop himself.

Xu chuckled and pet him again. "I take it that feels good?" She dug her fingertips into the fur and _scratched_.

"Ngh-ah!" He gasped and leaned back into her fingers. It felt so good, suddenly he couldn't remember why he was tense and upset, the sensation filling a deep seated need he hadn't known he had and his mind went blissfully blank. Her scratching fingers slowly slid down his tail and he began purring only half aware of the world around him. He couldn't focus on anything but the sensation. Pure and intense, like adrenaline fuelled sex, with the worlds best masseuse.

Xu's fingers returned to the base of his tail and she dug her fingers in until his spine arched. She held it up for a moment before easing up and smoothing the fur down. "I always did think of you like a big cat."

"What?" He asked around his purr, brain not quite engaged.

She chuckled lightly, "All cats enjoy having that spot scratched. It's nice to see you are not an exception." She tugged the waistband of his borrowed pants tight and began pinning them closed.

He forced his purr to soften and stop, as the seriousness of his situation crashed back down on him like a tsunami. "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

Her hands paused, he felt more than heard her sigh. "Why are you afraid of yourself?"

Squall shook his head, not surprised that she hadn't answered his question. HIs tail twitched and curled around Xu without touching her. The truth, he reminded himself. "I want to hurt you."

"There are many kinds of hurt." She softly stroked the fur on his tail, tracing the red lines. "Would you kill me?"

"No." He felt a surge of protectiveness and his tail tightened until it wrapped around her waist. "I would kill any who tried."

"Then what is there to fear?" She placed her palms on his shoulder blades and she breathed in deep, "You are still you. The way you think, the way you act, the way you smell." She chuckled, "Although you are a lot easier to read with this." She leaned back and patted the tail now wrapped around her waist. "Soon everyone will know you aren't as emotionless as you pretend." Her hands returned to pinning the pants closed.

"But I-" He hesitated, he needed her to understand, but he didn't want her to fear him, she would leave, like everyone else. Everyone always left, he drove them away.

She grabbed his hips and forced him to turn around. His tail forcing them to stand almost touching. She looked into his eyes, her expression slightly annoyed but her dark eyes held something deeper, worry and concern and something he was afraid to identify, something that made his stomach clench. "Say it Squall. No more dodging, no more lying. What you want?"

He looked away, his tail tightened around her waist, a small part of him realized it must have been painfully tight by now. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. She deserved nothing less. "I want-" Squall had never thought of himself as shy, but if he made her understand she would leave and he didn't want to be abandoned again. "You…I…" He managed, feeling his face grow warm. "I want to-" He faltered, thinking it was far easier than saying it, and Xu's scent was stronger with her so close and he was finding it difficult to not grab her with his claws, to shove her against the nearest solid object and make her bleed and scream for him.

Xu smiled, "There are times I almost gave up on you. Thinking that what happened then really didn't mean anything to you." She tilted her head, "But then you look at me like that and…" A shiver ran down her spine and she licked her lips, her scent growing stronger. He frowned slightly, her scent had not changed, yet she was obviously aroused, so why couldn't he smell any change?

Squall blinked, "What?" His mind tripped over itself to catch up. Then? But he attacked her, was going to…

Her smile twisted into a smirk. "I almost had you in the elevator this morning." She traced the line of his hips with a finger, "It's all I've been able to think about all day." She shook her head, "If you weren't such a hard person to read I would have been far more forward with you." She poked him sharply in the side. "You've been a very bad kitty."

He flinched from the unexpected jab, his mind still scrambling to keep up, had that been only this morning? "Kitty?" Why did everyone insist on giving him nicknames?

"Yes, Kitty." She tugged on his tail. "As weird as it is to say, the tail suits you." She unwound the furred appendage from around her waist. "Now finish getting dressed so we can go home. I'm sure Eden is starving." She stepped back from him, letting his tail slide out of her hands, her smile playful.

He grabbed the jacket from where he had tossed it, his thoughts in too many places at once, the echo of her fingers wreaking havoc with his skin. "I'm not hungry."

He froze.

"I'm not hungry…" He looked over to Xu in shock, why hadn't he noticed it sooner? Quickly searching his mind for the spot that Eden usually occupied, he called to her. There was no response. "She's gone." He whispered, feeling the loss like a gaping wound. Another GF absorbed into himself, now he had only two left.

"Gone? Like the others?" She reached towards him unconsciously, concerned.

He nodded numbly, now that he was focusing on it he could feel the lack of hunger. It was a strange feeling, he had been living with that constant gnawing for so many years. He lost focus on his surroundings, "What am I?" Everything was happening too quickly, his world was spiralling out of control.

Xu's face hardened and she stood at attention, "You are Squall Loire, formerly Leonhart, Commander of the SeeDs. You are an introverted, hardworking and powerful man who sacrifices everything for others. You also look damn fine naked." She smirked before continuing, her voice growing softer. "You are you. What you look like doesn't matter, we have followed you to the ends of the world, nothing will change that."

He stood a little straighter, she was right, she _had_ to be right. He pulled on the uniform jacket, he had a job to do. A job he was good at. "I'm sure we have lots of paperwork waiting for us." He clung to the veneer of normalcy paperwork represented.

She held up a finger and waggled it at him. "It is still your day off. You are doing no work today."

He blinked, "How long was I out for?"

She shrugged, "Only a few hours. You're a hard man to keep unconscious." She gestured to the door. "Shall we then? I'm sure you want to shower." She wiped her hands on her uniform skirt, the dark colour concealing the blood well.

He nodded and moved to the door, the safety pins pressed noticeably onto the top of his tail. He twitched it side to side to see if he could make it more comfortable.

"Are they digging in?" She eyed his rear, eyebrow raised.

"It feels weird. I'll get used to it." He shrugged.

She 'hmm'ed in thought, "I'll have to experiment a little. I'll steal a pair of your pants when we get back."

He felt the ball of tension in his gut ease just a little. She really wasn't going to run away from him, it seemed like things were going to remain the same as they always were. He paused at the door. "Xu?"

"Yes sir?" She replied automatically to his serious tone.

"I need you to promise me you won't attack Rinoa."

"What? Why? If she dies then you are free." He grimaced.

Squall shook his head, "I'll be forced to protect her. Please, _please_ don't make me do that." He could hear the pleading tone in his voice and didn't care.

"I understand. I will watch her though, I don't want you to be alone with her." She placed her hand over his arm, "She mentioned that she has to stay close to you. That she may not be able to control you if you are far enough apart." Her fingers tightened almost painfully, "If a perfect opportunity presents itself, I will take it."

He covered her hand with his, "Thanks." He felt Rinoa tug at his strings, and he shot a snarl at the door, knowing exactly where she was on the other side. Bringing himself under control once more he sighed. "She's getting impatient. Let's go." He released Xu's hand reluctantly, wanting to avoid Rinoa for as long as he could.

He steeled his expression and opened the door, stepping into the hallway his bare feet noticed the hall floor was cold.

Rinoa was collapsed on the bench against the wall, giggling to herself, not even upright anymore. Her eyes literally glowed with magic, he could taste it from across the hall. Odine looked torn between studying a newly freed Rinoa and his own mutated self. Zell was leaning against the wall holding a box of what he hoped was the security footage. Seifer and Laguna were nowhere in sight.

"I got all the tapes boss." Zell shook the box. "Ready when you are." He oozed false cheer, a familiar coping mechanism to any who knew him.

He glowered at Rinoa, who broke into another fit of hysterics. "I assume you will be staying in Balamb."

She grinned, madness edging in, and nodded, unable to breathe enough to talk. She lifted her arms in a 'carry me' gesture.

Squall felt his tail sweep across behind him, a long motion that ended with a flick, displaying his irritation to the world.

She was just as light as he remembered, her skin heated with un-cast magic. He leaned her against his chest, and she curled up as he lifted her, one arm under her knees the other around her back. She was still trembling with laugher and desperately trying to get her breathing under control.

"Xu, take point." She snapped a salute.

"Zell, you're interference." He nodded, arms still full.

He shifted Rinoa in his arms, "Let's get this over with."

Xu dashed off ahead, signalling 'all clear' once she scanned both sides. Zell followed next, eyes alert for movement and Squall brought up the rear, glaring at Dr. Odine to stay away.

Thankfully it was late enough that they only ran into trouble once. Instructor Aki had been haunting the atrium looking for students breaking curfew. Zell had handled it brilliantly.

"Hey Aki check it out, I just got another set of pictures developed! You gotta take a look!"

Aki had quickly disappeared, Zell's baby pictures had become something of a legend among SeeDs.

Zell was chuckling when they caught up at the elevator. "I love bugging him." He turned serious. "Permission to leave sir?"

Squall nodded. "Go home Zell. You've earned it."

The blonde grinned and handed the box to Xu. "Thanks boss." He snapped a lazy salute and ran off.

Squall looked down at the limp sorceress in his arms. She had passed out durning the short flight in and was curled up against his chest. He tried to drop her, maybe she would hit her head he thought wistfully.

His muscles twitched but his grasp was firm. He growled a sigh.

"Come on sir." Xu nudged him gently into the now open elevator. She didn't question his decision to bring her to his suite and for that he was thankful. Although Rinoa seemed to be letting him retain control of his voice and expresion, she had an iron grip on everything else, even in her sleep.

They rode up in silence, his tail drifting towards Xu whenever he stopped thinking about it. They exited and walked across his office his tail pushing aside the tapestry to his rooms.

Xu was still standing by the office door, hesitating.

"Xu?" That knot in his guts tightened. She was going to leave him alone with _her_. Because he always wanted to be left alone. Because he always turned away any hint of human interaction. Why would he think she would do anything different this time?

Her expression firmed, it seems she was better at reading him than he'd thought, and she shook her head slightly. "I said wouldn't leave you alone with her, and I won't." She muttered low enough he knew he wasn't meant to hear. Lifting her chin she strode across the room and through the archway.

He followed, relieved beyond words that he wasn't going to be left alone tonight.

Xu was standing in his living room holding the box and turned to face him when he entered. "Where do you want this?"

He shrugged, using his tail more than his shoulders, "Wherever." He needed to put Rinoa down. Needed to put as much space between them as he could. He could feel her magic under his skin, hooked and barbed marionette strings.

He tucked her into his bed, shoes and all, trying his hardest to touch her as little as possible, and fled back to his living room and the promise of company.

Xu had placed the box of security footage on the kitchen counter and was running her fingers over the cracked leather hilt of his old Revolver gunblade. It almost looked reverent, like she was touching something both fragile and precious. He collapsed onto his couch, and let his head fall back with a sigh, shifting to let his tail curl to the side.

How was he going to hide it? The claws he could hide with gloves but the tail? Somehow he didn't think his SeeDs would take their leader having a tail so well. He closed his eyes, all he had to do was wake up. Everything would be fine if he could just wake up.

Cool hands squeezed his shoulders.

He stiffened and opened his eyes. Xu looked down at him from behind the couch. Her hands squeezed again and shifted closer to his neck, thumbs rubbing hard against his stiff muscles. He winced, her thumbs seemed to pinch his nerves; twisting his shoulders slightly he tried to pull away.

She held him back against the couch with surprising strength, surprise keeping him still. Her hands continued to dig into his shoulders.

He winced again, "What are you doing?" His tail thumped on the couch cushions in irritation.

She raised an eyebrow, "Is that a rhetorical question?" Her fingers shifted, finding a particularly tense spot.

He forcefully twisted out of her grasp with a hiss of pain and turned to look at her fully. "I'd think anyone would ask why they were being hurt by someone they trusted."

Her breath sucked through her teeth. She looked torn between confusion, pride and something that looked suspiciously like pity. "Has no one ever rubbed your shoulders before?"

He tilted his head unsure if she was being serious or not. When she just waited for his reply he thought about it. "I'm not in the habit of letting people touch me." She should know that, they had worked together long enough.

She glanced away, "Do you really trust me?"

"With my life." He replied before he could think about it.

"Then trust me now." She ducked her head. "Please."

He hesitated. "My body hurts me enough, I don't need you adding to it."

She grimaced. "I'm sorry sir." Her fingers twisted together in a rare display of uncertainty. "Sometimes, I forget you were raised here." He narrowed his eyes, "If I'd realized you were carrying an entire lifetime of tension in your shoulders, I would have been more gentle."

She really did sound sorry, and his shoulders still tingled from where she had been touching him. "Fine." He decided, twisting back the way he had been. "But only because I trust you." He made sure his tone implied that said trust was riding on her actions now.

Her fingers pressed against his neck and drew across his shoulders, before running in small circles back to where they started. It was far softer, and didn't hurt this time. Her thumbs gently forced his head forward as they worked their way up his vertebrae.

"Relax." Her breath ghosted in his ear, and he was suddenly aware of how her scent seemed to envelop him, a warm familiar cocoon. She was leaning over the back of the couch, her body heat warming the air above his skin. "Relax."

Her fingers began pressing harder, forcing tense muscles to separate and move. Her fingers were warming, and this time it didn't hurt, it felt amazing. Fingers became knuckles as she worked stubborn knots out. Her quiet grunts of effort as she bore all her weight to the task sent shivers down his spine.

He was vaguely aware of leaning back into her warmth, her breath warm and wet on the shell of his ear as she chuckled. "That's it." Her fingers dug into his collarbone, "Relax." She pulled him back tight against her chest and let her fingers work their way up his neck.

When her now warm hands knotted in his hair, his head almost on her shoulder, he began purring absently, unable to stop himself. She hummed appreciatively in return and gently pushed his head down. "Lie down on your chest." Her hands pushed him to comply. "It's okay. Trust me." She whispered when he hesitated.

Deciding that this felt too good to stop he did as she asked. The couch dipped with her weight when she stepped over the back and settled on his thighs. He jerked in surprise when her warm hands were suddenly under his borrowed jacket and against bare skin.

She chuckled darkly, "So jumpy." Her hands ran along his spine, leaving fire behind. "Relax."

He grumbled under his breath, the sound far more impressive than it used to be, and flattened himself back down, resting his head on his arms.

She chuckled again, and continued the massage.

He wasn't sure when he closed his eyes, or when his jacket seemed to disappear, but he was floating in a warm fuzzy haze and couldn't be bothered to care. He had never been this relaxed in his life. Her hands left warm trails that lingered, a tingling that coursed through his whole body and pooled pleasantly in his abdomen.

"Sir?" her fingers hesitated.

"Hmm?"

"Why did you hide that you liked me?"

Somehow, in the pleasant haze, the magnitude of that question didn't register and he answered honestly. "Because I wanted you to say yes."

Her fingers turned contemplative, "Wouldn't that have been a good thing?"

His tail flicked. Where was she going with this? It was distracting.

She sighed, resting her shaking fists on his lower back. "Were you waiting until retirement to find happiness for yourself? Or did it just never cross your mind?" She almost sounded angry.

He frowned, "Why would I look for something I can't have?" Life had proven that lesson quite effectively. HIs tail thumped on the floor.

"Oh Squall." She seemed to collapse on top of him until her forehead rested on the back of his neck. "If anyone deserves happiness after all that's happened." She sighed and ran her hand lightly up his arm.

He was expecting her weight to become uncomfortable but it didn't. It was actually relaxing in it's own way, having her flush to him, her breasts pressing into his shoulder blades , her thighs still straddling his.

Somehow, he wasn't surprised when her lips pressed to the back of his neck, warm and wet. "Why are you so afraid of being happy?" Her breath cooled the wet patch and it sent a shiver down his spine.

"I'm not afraid." He shrugged with his tail, not wanting to dislodge her. He really wasn't, it was just a fact. "It's just something I can't have. I am content, it is enough."

She sighed and went limp against him, relaxing completely. He could feel her heartbeat against his spine, it was slow and steady. Her breathing slowed and deepened as well, her breath ghosting across his shoulder, her cheek resting between them.

"Xu?"

"Mmm?"

He shifted his weight. "Are you going to spend the whole night there?"

She pressed her face against him, "Yes." He could feel the curve of her smile.

He sighed, and shifted again. "Whatever." It's not like she was that heavy, although his skin seemed to stick to her almost like she was wearing leather, it was an odd feeling, but he ignored it, still floating contentedly in a bubble of relaxation.

She giggled faintly and gently bit the curve of his shoulder, more tongue than teeth.

The sensation went straight down his spine like lightning. He flexed his hips into the couch unconsciously, a half growl, half moan escaping his lips.

Xu's fingernails clawed down his sides, and she bit him harder, encouraged by his reaction.

His instincts screamed at him. He would not submit to anyone, especially not an unclaimed female in heat. He snarled and grabbed her wrist, twisting on the wide couch to pull her under him. She did not resist, only having time for a muffled exclamation before he pinned her stomach to the couch underneath him.

He firmly grasped her neck in his teeth, resting his weight across her hips to keep her in place. She trembled and made a whining noise, her heart thumping hard enough for him to hear. Satisfied he had made his point he released her and lapped at the sweat forming between her shoulder blades. The rational part of his mind wondered why she was topless, when it had happened and what was he doing? All of it was ignored in favour of focusing on the wonderfully female taste of the milky white skin under him.

She twisted to look him, "Squall?" He looked up. "Your eyes-" She trailed off into a moan when he rubbed his arousal against her, making his interest plain. It had been so long since he had mated last, and although she smelled interested, without a tail it was hard to gauge properly. Her head dropped down, exposing her neck. Pleased with her reaction he gripped her neck again, she pressed up to meet him moaning loudly.

He held her against him, supporting most of her weight on his claws, her skin was smooth against his own and her blood scented the air like a delicate perfume. Shifting himself off her thighs he lifted her enough she could support her own weight on her knees. His growl was deep and throaty when she rocked back into him with a moan of her own.

He ran his claws down her back, sucking greedily at the blood that welled from the thin lines. The smell of her arousal spiked at the pain and the thick dangerously feminine scent made his breath catch in his chest. His rubbing took on a new urgency, the little friction he was getting wasn't enough. He needed slick heat not dry rubbing.

Shifting off her he pulled her skirt over her hips and roughly pulled down bright scarlet panties with it. She gasped in surprise, but groaned when he buried his face in the core of her scent. She was hot and slick and very aroused. He lapped at her flushed folds, encouraged by the sounds that left her lips. His claws dug into her hips to keep her in place as she tried to rock back, the smell of her blood growing stronger, mixing with her musk to create something heady and intoxicating.

Something in his lower body shifted uncomfortably as he tested to see if she was prepared enough by thrusting his tongue inside her. Her increase in pitch and clenching around the flexible muscle distracted him from the almost painful feeling his rational brain was beginning to associate with his sudden mutations.

He made sure she was properly clean using his rough tongue to great advantage, her almost bitter taste driving him deeper for more. She writhed and pushed back, small pleading noises lost among panting gasps and moans. He alternated between swirling his tongue around the hard bundle of nerves at her entrance, and seeing how long his tongue really was.

It wasn't long before her whole body grew taunt, trembling muscles slicked with sweat. Her wordless cries grew in both volume and pitch, and her hips flexed helplessly. Swirling his tongue inside her one more time he sucked her clit between his teeth. The sharp pain made her cry out and her body convulsed, lost to her orgasm. Releasing the sensitive flesh he gently cleaned her, every swipe of his tongue earning a shiver and a gasp.

Satisfied she was prepared properly he pulled away, licking his lips and chin. She whimpered and he pulled her skirt past her feet and out of the way, lapping at the trails of blood his claws had left on her hips. He fumbled with the catch of his pants before just ripping them away impatiently. He was again made aware of the vague sense of wrongness about his body as his erection swung free of the restricting fabric.

Dismissing the feeling he settled himself over her, sucking on the skin of her neck, making absolutely sure she was still fully interested. After all, mating with a female as strong as this was something of a dance, move too fast and risk an attack. Move too slow and meet the same fate.

"Please…" She whined as she rocked back, nearly impaling herself. Purring loudly to relax her, he shifted and flexed. The world became slick velvet heat so tight it almost hurt as she clamped down on his intrusion. Her back arched to meet his chest as he gave an experimental thrust.

It wasn't quite right, there was no friction in the slick motion, he thrust harder, not quite sure what it was he was looking for. Already weak from orgasm, his rough thrust overbalanced them and she collapsed onto the couch, only held up by his claws on her hips. He leaned into the next thrust and her groan was deep and muffled by the soft surface.

Growling in frustration he pulled out of her. She whined, too far gone to form words. He bit her hip in anger, sharp front teeth drawing blood. She hissed at him in return, the pain unexpected and he let go, not willing to risk an attack when her fingers flicked to the black bands of leather around her wrists; a part of him smugly pleased she was still armed, even as he snarled in frustration.

Why was his body so wrong? Savagely, he clawed at the too tight skin around his hips. With a wet sound it tore free. The pain was sharp, but strangely relieving, like scratching an itch till it bled. Peeling away the offending pink flesh he distracted his, now restless, female by running his tongue along her back and neck.

Quickly tearing the last of the constricting meat away he absently tossed in his his mouth, the bland taste did nothing to sate his rather empty stomach. Running his rough tongue along her sweat slicked skin he breathed in the scent of blood and sex mingled with her own musk and felt something _slide._ He glanced down, and watched his member, red as blood and just as wet, slide out of it's dark furry sheath, the hundreds of tiny white spines ringing the arrow shaped head standing in sharp contrast to the dark skin. He grinned, _that _was better. He would fix this body yet.

Gripping his mate to his chest he mounted her again, one short, sharp thrust had him seated firmly inside her once more. She gasped in surprise at the sudden movement, tight muscles clamping down.

Slowly he withdrew, the spines catching and tearing the delicate walls of flesh. She screamed and twisted in pain. He purred loud, the dragging friction shooting across his nerves. He gripped the writhing female tighter to his body and thrust in again, her blood temporarily making the motion even more slick. She panted a whine, her long muscles drawn taunt against his sweat slicked skin. Adjusting his grip he pulled them both upright, letting her weight drive him deeper. His tail lashed to the side to help maintain balance as the soft surface gave under his knees.

Her hands weakly lifted to knot in his mane, her head fell back against his shoulder and she bathed his neck in wet, open mouthed kisses. Slowly, ever so slowly, so slowly he could feel as each spine caught and tore at thin abused walls, he pulled out. Muscles trembled with the effort and her teeth clamped on his neck as her fingers pulled painfully at his hair. Tear, catch, pull, tear, a thousand times all at once, the cascading sensation pulled a groan from deep in his chest.

He stopped at her entrance, quivering, taunt and breathless. She bathed his neck in nipping kisses working her way to his jaw. She was drawn tight, arched against his chest like a bow. He lowered his head and gripped her well muscled shoulder in his teeth, canines nearly piercing soft slick flesh. She latched her teeth on his ear as he trembled, not sure what he was waiting for, the air cold on blood soaked skin.

Her breath was hot and wet, "Please," she gasped, "Again."

All pre-tense of control was lost with those two small words. He slammed into her, only his claws on her sides and his teeth, now buried deep in her shoulder, holding her upright. Her gasp became a scream as he pulled out with a snap of his hips, driving in before the blood even had time to well.

Her back arched clear off his chest as he maintained the cruel pace, her screams subsiding to choked, gasping moans. He bit deeper into her shoulder, holding on the only way he knew how. He was lost to tight, hot, slick, dragging, panting motion. Blood on his tongue and smeared across their bodies, sweaty and slick, muscles flexing and hearts pumping. Molten heat poured down his spine and pooled low in his belly; coiling tighter and tighter with every slap of skin, every gasped noise sounding suspiciously like 'harder' and 'more'. His muscles screamed in protest and the pressure built, he was going to burst, split apart at the seams. His steady rhythm faltered as she squeezed tighter, her own climax approaching, he couldn't hold back any more.

Her scream joined with his roar, heads thrown back in unison, the world washed away by cascading pleasure and pain, each bleeding into the other.

He fell back onto his calves, thighs aching and sore, his mate limp against his chest, body still pulsing. The panting filled silence was only broken by her hiss as his, now spent, penis retracted back into his body, scraping one last time over tender, broken skin. He lapped at the blood running freely from her shoulder apologetically. She wriggled in his grasp, twisting to try and face him.

He let her, knowing of a female's need to roll onto her back after mating. He held her loosely, still wary of an attack as she straddled his hips.

She was flushed and tear stained, and he was almost overcome with an urge to gently clean her face. She smiled, a little sadly, "Are you still in there Squall?" His head tilted in confusion. She leaned forward and pressed her lips against his. He barely had time to react before she pulled away again. "Please, try to remember I wanted this, wanted you." Sighing she let herself fall back onto the couch off his lap, wincing and curling onto her right side when her shoulder hit the fabric. "You really know how to put a girl through her paces." She looked up at him, lips quirked in mischief, "I demand snuggles as payment."

He snorted, no one demanded anything of him. However, keeping his new mate happy was good, and he wanted to make sure her wounds were okay. Stretching he settled behind her, letting his tail drape over both sets of legs. She pressed back against his chest with a contented sigh. "You're Warm."

Gently he cleaned the blood from her shoulder, the wound was deep, but not dangerous. Letting the magic that flowed under his skin to gather in his mouth, he sucked on the punctures, keeping them blood free as the magic did it's work. The spell cast, he pulled back to examine his work, the bleeding had stopped but the wound had not sealed over. He had bit her deeper than he thought, magic would not repair the damage that was left. He whined an apology and gave it one more swipe with his tongue.

She winced, "Would you cut that out, it hurts." She slapped his thigh to make her point.

He huffed and relaxed against her, resting his chin on the top of her head. He hadn't meant to injure her, she was just so fragile. Draping an arm over her and pulling her tightly to his chest, he listened as her breathing slowed and deepened. Closing his eyes he let her scent cocoon him and he drifted away to nightmares of spider webs and falling.

* * *

><p>Whew, that took far longer than I liked to write. Hope I didn't scare too many people off.<p>

Lesson for the day, if you ever get the chance to sleep with a cat boy, always ask. How much cat? Barbed penises? Not fun. (Unless your a pain slut of course ^.=.^)


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